Calm Tempest
by staceyyyy
Summary: She doesn't know what she's doing here. She only knows she needs to see him alive. She needs her calm in the storm. R&R.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

She didn't know why she was standing there. She didn't even know how she even got here. One moment she was fighting in a stationary car with Tom over her job, over moving states, over everything under the sun. The next she is seeking the only person that stirs such different emotions from her that sometimes they are impossible to keep track of. He pushes her from anger to calm in seconds. From composed to a muddle of confusion in an instant. The only thing she knows and understands in that current moment is that she is seeking solace. She needs the calm in the storm that he provides. She needs to see him breathing and alive.

Elizabeth Keen always knew what she wanted in life. Up until the moment Red Reddington entered her life she knew exactly what she wanted. Who she wanted. She knew who she was. As her life got turned upside down in a number of hours she lost that self-awareness. Now, standing in front of the hospital she didn't know what she wanted. Completely torn.

And here was the crux of the matter – she was torn between what she thought was right and what she craved in that particular moment. She didn't know how long she stood there waiting for something. A sign telling her exactly what to do. When nothing came she closed her eyes and let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. Elizabeth let her emotions tip the scale of conscience. She needed to see him to assure herself that he was still her rock. Steeling herself before she lost all her resolve she stepped through the hospital doors.

After being directed to his room by a nurse who was unsuspecting of the emotional storm raging inside, she stood meters away from the partially opened door. Only then did her disobedient mind drift to the possibility that she might be unwanted. That she might be overstepping all sorts of boundaries that should never be crossed by partners who were thrown together out of necessity and circumstance. While they worked well together now, they were still warming up to each other. Still trying to get a balance in there physical and emotional dynamic.

The start of their partnership was something akin to disaster. Neither wanting to be the first to break. Neither wanting to be the first to show any sign of weakness. Whether it was a sign of trust for the other or to allow any sort of crack in their built up barriers. However as the circumstances regarding their cases being thrust upon them from Reddington became ever evolving, they, and in turn the partnership, had to evolve. The gradual shift was barely noticeable from the outside, but it was ever present in their interactions. They both knew it was there, but neither choose to comment or even acknowledge it. And Reddington sure knew how to throw a curve ball their way. She sometimes though Red was testing her. However she knew better then to waste her breath questioning it. That was one man that did not give away anything without getting something in return.

So here she stood. In the back of her mind she had already memorized the whole hallway outside of his room. From the hospital waiting chairs to the number of rooms on the floor. Chancing a few steps forward towards the room her gaze drifted to the window looking into his room. The view made her freeze instantly. And made her regret coming here in the first place. Mentally cursing herself for being such a fool and trying to make her traitorous legs move her mind mechanically analyzed the scene. Ressler was sitting up in bed – for that she was grateful. She breathed easier knowing he was alive. That's not what gave her pause. What made her insides freeze was him smiling at a woman. Audrey. His Audrey. Ex-fiancé Audrey. She recognized the other woman from his file that she had read when she first started working with him. Convincing herself that she needed to know his background information for the single purpose of finding out what made him tick so that they could effectively work together. She had almost convinced herself. Almost.

Even through his smile, his eyes did give away the uneasiness he felt as he looked up at Audrey, and Elizabeth stood there wondering what exactly happened between them. As she allowed herself the opportunity to examine the possible scenarios she tracked his hand movement to Audrey's hand as he lifted it up. While she couldn't distinguish what was being said and understanding the fact that she really needed to leave the hospital, she still could not make herself move away.

And then it was as if the world began to move in slow motion. She knew Ressler being the agent that he was would realize sooner rather than later that someone was watching him. However in this particular moment in time her mind was so far away that she had not considered that fact. His eyes moved suddenly up to her, as if only now seeing movement in his periphery vision. Recognition flared in his eyes as he took her in. Instantly allowing himself to roam her with his eyes. And while she knew he was just automatically searching for injuries after their ordeal in and out of the box, she could not stop the flutter in her heart from the knowledge that his eyes were on only her for the few seconds.

Audrey, realizing his attention was no longer on her, followed his line of vision until her gaze also landed on Keen. Noticing the woman for the first time and seeing the silent exchange between the two she could not help but feel a stab of jealousy. Donald had never looked at her like that. With a single mindedness that she was the only thing in existence. However as she looked at the other woman standing outside of the hospital room she also saw a desperation that she had never felt for Donald. She had loved him yes, but the woman before her looked like she was barely holding onto her sanity. While she looked completely put together, and from any other perspective she would have looked calm and collected, Audrey could see that the woman had been through hell and back in the last 24 hours. She squeezed Donald's hand one more time, fully aware of the fact that while both of the people in front of her might be oblivious to each others feelings about the other, Donald would be looked after by this woman. As if realizing for the first time that she was still in the room his eyes moved up to her. She smiled down and him, carefully wished him a fast recovery and moved out of the room.

Audrey stepped into the hallway, looked at the woman in question, seemingly trying to decide on something. With a soft resigned sigh and a look of sadness she directed the words "Look after him" at Elizabeth. Three words that shook Elizabeth to her very core.

Hope you enjoyed. There will be more if you guys ask for it. R&R.


	2. Chapter 2

**I do not own, nor do I make any money for writing this. I just like to play in the universe for my own amusement. And mold the characters into the way I want them to be. **

**So last chapter was Elizabeth's perspective mostly. I felt we needed to see inside Donald's head for a bit. **

Chapter 2.

He took in her appearance as she walked in as carefully as he could, drinking it in and trying but failing to catalogue every hint of emotion that kept flaring across her eyes. Her dark brown flowing hair and her slightly paler but still flawless complexion. She had thankfully changed into different slacks and a new sky blue blouse, which both accentuated and hid her curves. He didn't need any more reminders of looking up from his almost death bed, his head being forced up by Red, only to see her on her knees with a gun pointed at her head. That image was forever imprinted on his brain. It tore at his insides that he had to choose between his duty and her. But he also knew there was no choice. It would always be her. A bit ironic that he hadn't even put his ex-fiancé before his job, always choosing Red over her. But here was a woman that wasn't his. She was someone else wife for God sakes. And he had chosen her over a direct order. Over his job and his duty. And would do it again in a heartbeat.

The almost bewildered expression he caught on her surprised him and made him want to find out what Audrey had said to her in the hallway. The brief though that maybe it wasn't the best idea for these two women to actually meet any time soon flittered through his mind. But that was neither here nor there.

The fact that Liz would never look at him in that light stabbed painfully in his chest. Normally it would be easy to shut out everything he felt for her. To put it all in a box and lodge it far away into the back of his mind. He was trained to put his personal life on the back burner so he could concentrate on more important things. The job. The current mission. No distractions. But in his weakened state – from both the emotional wind whirl of a day and the drugs still very present in his system – his mind refused him the solace of ignoring what he felt. And made him again face the things that he knew he craved, and the things that he knew he could never have. Thoughts that his traitorous mind drifted to in the early hours of the morning when sleep eluded him and he was not in control of his thought process.

"Hi". Such a simple word. Husky and chocked. But from her lips it was the only sound he needed to hear. It proved that she was here and not just a figment of his apparently overactive imagination. Again his mind drifted to waking up every morning and hearing her say that word from across the bed, tangled and barely covered in his navy sheets. With pillows and clothes lying haphazardly on the floor. Damn this morphine. He needed to focus.

"I shouldn't have come" she glanced hesitantly at the door that Audrey had stepped out of and then back at him. As if she was completely unsure of herself, searching for a way out. She looked like she was lost. "And I interrupted your…" not knowing how to continue that sentence, Elizabeth sighed and went for a different route. Seemingly trying to put the words together but not quite managing to get them out. "I…", she broke eye contact then, looking down at Ressler's hand but making no move to reach towards it. Her mind was lost to her at that moment. Drawn so close but yet so far away. Her next choked words made his whole body go into a sweet chaos of emotions and feelings that he was not mentally ready to face. "I…I just needed to see you". _Alive. _That word echoed in both their heads although it was left unsaid. He stared at her as if uncomprehending what she meant. And then as if only in that instant he realized that he had yet to say a single word to her. But no response came to mind that would do her concern justice. Nothing he could say would be able to describe how grateful he was that she was standing mere inches away from him. So he went with his instincts, even though his mind was screaming to do the opposite and just play off the heavy tension of the moment with some sort of sarcasm or wit.

He reached for her hand.

**Please R&R. Would love to hear what you love/hate/want to see more/less of in the story. Love to all. **


	3. Chapter 3

**I do not own the Blacklist. Things would go down a lot differently if i did. **

Chapter 3

_He reached for her hand_.

In retrospect it probably wasn't the best idea to have physical contact with her hand. The emotions that were brought forth from reaching for her delicate hand was not something he was prepared to face. Not knowing whether she would pull away or not. Knowing that if she did pull away the small glimmer of hope that he felt for having some, or any, sort of future with her would be shattered. Although again he was getting ahead of himself. He had to keep reminding himself that she was married. She had Tom. She was only here to make sure that he was okay as a partner. And while she might be the bright light in his altogether dark and brutal world, to her he was just her partner. They were two people brought together by circumstances way beyond their control and thrown together by their duty. And of 'course Red. The grand master in this play called life. For reasons still unknown to Ressler, Red had forced her onto this particular FBI team. For which he will be forever grudgingly grateful, although he would never actually admit it to anyone.

A person like her would not let her partner recover in a hospital without making sure that he was okay. But the word 'okay' seemed so far off that he couldn't even place it into the realm of reality at the current moment. He felt like he was carrying the weigh of the world on his shoulders. His whole body tense, making the throbbing in his leg all the more noticeable. And as slowly as he started reaching for her, he started to withdraw his hand. Not wanting to risk shattering the moment of truce that they had seemed to build around the room and themselves.

He should have known better. As soon as she realized what he was about to do, and seeing the look of hesitation that flashed through his eyes, followed by his movement to withdraw his hand, she extended her hand and met his halfway, entwining their fingers together in an intimate hold until they were palm to palm, all his fingers between hers.

And again time seemed to stand still. He stared at their linked hands with an expression that she could not read but desperately wanted to understand. She wanted to go into his mind and find out exactly what he though of this current situation. And she didn't even have the benefit of looking into his eyes as they were cast down. For an immeasurable moment she tried to record everything she could while his guard was down. From his reddish blonde hair, his pale skin, the strong shape of his jaw to the straight line of his nose. As she could not look into the one place she wanted to most – his eyes – she allowed her self to continue her observations further. Taking in his broad shoulders and strong arms that she knew would never hesitate in keeping her out of harms way. She knew she would always feel safe with him. He washed over a sense of calm in her that was indescribable. Even in the moments of screaming matches between the two of them, and they were both certainly not lacking in stubbornness, she could never feel scared. Vulnerable sure, even self-conscience. But never scared. He was like an indestructible and immovable rock. Solid and strong. There to help her, support her. When the Stewmaker had kidnapped her she had been through hell and back, but as soon as Ressler entered the room and his focus shifted entirely to her she felt the calm wash over her. As the day's events eventually hit her, and resulted in her almost collapsing, he was the one holding her together. It was those same broad shoulders and strong arms holding her and keeping her from falling into an unknown darkness.

Eventually her eyes drifted to his injured leg propped up on the bed, alleviating the pressure of weight from the actual injury. Memories came flooding back to her of seeing him inside the box with Red. Remembering the flood of emotions that cascaded through her at seeing these two unlikely men in one room. So different. Her heart bled at seeing him going in and out of consciousness from the pain. While Red seemed to be remarkably calm for the current situation, Ressler looked like he was fighting for his life. As she saw the inner battle in his eyes when asked for the code she had begged him with a shake of her head and the request in her eyes not to say anything. She knew he put the job first and didn't want to put him in that position. Him disobeying a direct order was a shock to her already overwrought system but at the time she couldn't dwell on it. Now in the peace of a hospital room her mind drifted to why he had given up the code. Surely it wasn't for her. The team had been on the outside of the box – he wouldn't let anyone get hurt if he could help it. Giving up the code was the surest way of stopping any more deaths. However she still couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling in the back of her head that was telling her she was missing something. Confused and still not completely over the days events she choose to push it to the back of her mind, resolved to think about it later.

He watched her analyze him after shifting his gaze from their linked hands to her face. While not completely comfortable under her perusal he allowed himself to observe her face as her gaze traveled down him slowly, eventually resting on his injured leg. Watching the play of emotions wash over her face from hurt and pain, in which he realized she was probably lost in thought about what happened in the post office to confusion and frustration. Putting it down to Red being the source of the latter feeling, he couldn't think of what was causing her confusion at the moment. However his drug-addled mind told him to push it aside for now.

He patiently waited for her to finish whatever inner battle she was fighting and for her to finally look at him again. Noticing her flinch ever so slightly, as if remembering where she was, he watched her eyes travel to meet his, neither knowing what to say or do. Until he flicked his thumb to caress the join between her thumb and pointing finger. And then he kept repeating the action. Her wide eyes became half lidded and as she sighed he took it as a sign to keep going, not sure that he would ever stop if this was the reaction he would get. Her responsiveness was astounding and he was too physically aware of her by this stage to ignore the quickening of her pulse under his thumb and palm.

He though he would tear the hospital to shreds when a nurse came bustling into the room to check his vitals and overall progress in the aftermath of the surgery. Liz had sprung away so fast that he wasn't sure if he dreamed the whole encounter or not. The only real proof being the warmth still on his hand from their contact. He fisted his hand in a feeble attempt to hold onto it for as long as he could. The moment they shared, in his hospital room, surrounding by all sorts of beeping equipment he neither cared nor wanted to understand, was gone in a flash. As he saw her inching towards the door away from him, he let out a sigh. With a muttered apology and weak excuse from her that she needed to go and liaise with Cooper regarding the events of the box, she continued her progress out of the room. Never turning her back on him and eyes still trained on him. With a minute nod of his head in understanding she fled the room leaving only a soft breeze in her wake.

And he realized that while it seemed like he was emotionally drained from her being here, he still hadn't said a single word to her.

**Thank you for all the responses i'm getting - its truly the only thing that keeps me writing. To all those that want an affair between Don and Liz - i will do another story after this one. This story is going in a different direction that I hope you'll be happy with anyway. The next chapter will not have any Don/Liz interactions but theres a little something I must do - and I'm sure you'll be happy with the result at the end of the next chapter. As always let me know what you would like to see more of/what you loved/hated. Love to all! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer – I don't own the Blacklist. Safe to say Ressleen would have happened by now if I did. **

Chapter 4

The week that followed the hospital visit was one of the longest in her life. But she could barely remember it. Going through the motions of everyday life took no effort; it was mechanical and took no thought process whatsoever. Work, home, sleep. The routine was utterly and excruciatingly dull. What did physically and mentally drain her was the current position she was in.

The moment of clarity that she had while fleeing the hospital both shocked and overwhelmed her. She ran down the sterile hall and all she wanted to do was run back. Stay by his side. And that thought alone scared the hell out of her.

She tried not to dwell on the fact that in that moment she cared more about the man lying on the hospital bed than she did for the man currently waiting to have an argument with her at home. Home. That was another half lie to add to her already overflowing pile of secrets and regrets. For the house she lived in no longer felt like home. With secrets hidden under the floorboards, not just the closets, and a husband she could never again fully trust. She lived in a card house full of lies. One more and it was going to topple, leaving mayhem and destruction in its wake. She did love Tom. She knew that because she tried her hardest to clear his name. Tried so desperately to not believe and disprove everything Red told her about him. But when the facts started to stack up against him she felt distrust in every bone in her body, no matter how much she tried to ignore the feelings or the thoughts that ran wild in the back of her mind.

Any this is exactly what had been draining her, the façade that she needed to show to Tom. That she was there and that she trusted him. That she didn't feel the need to pull away every time he got close. It made her feel like she couldn't breathe. Like she was being suffocated in her own house. A house that was meant to be her home, a place for calm and peace. She felt like a stranger looking into her life and seeing a person that didn't quite belong.

So she sat here again in her car. Like she had been everyday since her visit, never actually finding the nerve to go inside and see him. She received the updates on his health daily from Cooper, however she knew that nothing would soothe her in the way that seeing him would. No words could placate her. And so she sat, in her car on one of the hospitals parking spaces wishing she had more courage to just cross the small distance between them.

She thought back onto last nights fight. The fight that sent Tom packing and leaving their house. The fight that left her standing in their living room wishing she was anywhere else in that particular moment. They were in the middle of their daily argument about moving away, about her choice of employment, about her being distant from him every since the first day she got picked up by what seemed like half the task force of the FBI from their home porch. However this time was different, at least for her. This time she gave up. She gave up trying to pretend she wanted a child with him or that she wanted to leave her job and move to the middle of nowhere to get away from it all.

For the first time in her life she felt like she had a purpose. She was helping people in more ways than one, saving them from the dangers that they didn't even know existed. Playing a small role in Red's grand production. She knew she would never give that up, and she knew that Tom would never be able to accept the fact that she would never leave her job. And in this lay their biggest problem. Not that he may or may not be a secret agent or spy. Or his alleged affair. No. The biggest problem that they had was both having expectations of the other that could never be met. They expected the other to change, which was neither fair nor possible. And so they fought. As if fighting would stop the inevitable. Until eventually everything stopped and they had nothing else left to say. Everything had already been said a thousand times over.

So now she sat, while her husband was packing his things up in their house, in the parking lot. She sat there in her car reflecting on her past week. Taking in the difference between herself at the start, in which she was confused, hurt and desperate. To now - calm and at peace. Which in itself seemed strange to her. It seemed like a giant weight had been lifted from her mind. The rational part of her brain started making lists of the things she needed to do, like search for another apartment. After everything that had happened in this house she couldn't stand to live in it for much longer. She needed a clean break. And it was something that she would give herself. Before she was running on pure adrenaline. Now she had a clear head.

Now she was able to catalogue her feelings and sort through the jumble inside, sorting through to the most important ones. She felt lighter, almost freer at that moment. Like she didn't have to keep pretending to be something or feel something that she wasn't. And she couldn't make herself regret a single thing.

Hiding all of this at work from her colleagues would be hard, hiding it from Red would be impossible. But she would cross that bridge when she gets there. She pulled out of the parking lot and drove to work knowing that while her world seemed shattered at the moment, the pieces will eventually fall where they should be.

And for that she was grateful.

**Hope you enjoyed. I'm not sorry for the lack of Ressler in this chapter. I needed to get rid of Tom and this is the only way I knew how without some gruesome death (in my head I've killed him off a number of times). To the guest review that said "Reading this series is like getting a Christmas gift every morning!" and also flowerbomb –you guys made my morning today when I saw those reviews :) **** thank you to EVERYONE that reviews. Honestly it means so much. **

**As always I'd love to know what you love/hate/want to see more of. R&R. **

**Love to all! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer - i do not own the Blacklist. But i do want my own personal Ressler. **

Chapter 5

And so the weeks carried on for Elizabeth. Going through the motions of her crazy life. Red was always there to entertain and keep her occupied with either a case or just his flamboyant company. She was grateful for the distraction, not wanting to linger on the past and the marriage that had crumbled around her. Try as she might she couldn't hide anything from him, eventually giving up and telling him outright what he surely already knew. That Tom was gone. Surprisingly he didn't pry. Only asking if she was okay and whether she needed anything for her new house. Her new home. Top floor of a six-storey apartment block, with stone pillar balconies overlooking a park from her lounge and bedroom. She felt at peace there. While she knew it was nothing special, she felt safe in it. From the cream colored walls to the new wooden furniture she had bought. It suited her perfectly and she loved coming home, avoiding the feeling of loneliness that was slowing creeping in every time she stepped through the front door.

Her usual exhaustion from work easily distracting her from errant thoughts that she did her best to suppress. However nothing she could do or say to herself could stop her thoughts from dwelling to her recovering partner. She had not visited him again, not sure whether she could remain neutral to seeing him again. She needed time to prepare herself and steel away her emotions. She knew he could read her like an open book. She also knew that he would not welcome any emotions from her outside of proper colleagues and partners. So she didn't visit. Because returning to hiding her feelings like she did with Tom was not something she wanted to do any time soon. She did allow herself the occasional daydream of coming home to him, or what would be more likely with him. Doing things with him that were completely domestic. She never let her thoughts drift to the way he would feel against her. Or how his hold would be, if he was gentle or firm. That was not something she could cope with if she allowed her thoughts to go in that direction.

And so she continued with everyday life, going to work, coming home. Everything was routine, without any serious thought process required. And so she stood in the middle of the Post Office, which was code-named Post Office Second Edition (PO2), after what happened in the first Post Office, for obvious reasons they had moved locations. Talking to Agent Malik about a recently closed case of Reddington's, she felt something shift inside of her. Looking around and not seeing any changes to her colleagues, or anything to be wary of she turned back to Malik, who for an unknown reason had a small, almost unnoticeable smirk on her face. If she weren't so hyper aware of her surroundings she wouldn't have even noticed it. "I was wondering how long it'd take for you to notice something was up". Her voice was thick with sarcasm and Liz didn't know what was in store for her. Quickly going over in her head any recent comments from Red that might hint on the reason Meera was acting so strangely. She drew a blank. Her and Meera had gotten closer over the last couple of weeks. By no means where they best friends, but they did reach a certain unspoken understanding. Both respecting each other, but also being able to have a laugh at the other expense every now and then. It was necessary in their line of work, a sort of stress relief, a way of having a moment of being just two normal women having a joke and forgetting for a couple of minutes their extremely abnormal and taxing life.

She looked around for the source of her discomfort, but still not seeing anything out of place turned back to Meera with a questioning gaze. "He's back" was all it took for her to freeze up completely. Momentarily grateful to her body for not giving anything away to Meera's ever-watchful eye, she didn't have to ask whom it was she was talking about. Willing her voice not to break she went for a casual tone to ask, "Where is he". The smirk broadened on Malik's face and she instantly knew that she had given herself away. "Cooper's office", Liz couldn't help but send her a thankful glance for not commenting further or asking any questions, while answering hers directly. She willed herself to stay rooted to the spot by Meera's side, who in turn, noticing the conflict in her eyes tried to distract her from her own thoughts by striking up a conversation about Red again, saving her from herself.

They moved the conversation into her office to grab a desperately needed coffee for them both. Liz perched on the front of her desk and Meera leaning against the filing cabinets, both cupping the coffee cups with both hands to avoid the cold setting in. She regretted leaving her office door open when two imposing figures moved in, one with a subtle limp she wouldn't have noticed if she wasn't so acutely aware of his presence. Not being able to meet his eyes she took the rest of him in, from his broad shoulders to his leg that he seemed to be more than capable of using thank god. She would never admit to the nightmares that were present in her sleep of him never being able to walk again, or him bleeding out on the table of surgery, or being shot by Red in the Box. The hundreds of different scenarios ranging from ridiculous to horrifying. Seeing him now walking and well made her release a breath she didn't know she was holding.

Coopers voice made her eyes flick to him as he started talking about Red, who was coming here sooner rather than later to introduce a new criminal mastermind to them. He left the room then, instructing them as he went to update Ressler on the progress so far with Red, and cases in general. Malik, realizing that neither of the other two occupants of the room where going to say anything anytime soon, and noticing their solid effort to avoid each others gazes, took the lead into explaining what had happened in his absence and how the situation with Red had developed. While he looked solely on her and took everything that she said in, she knew he wasn't as focused as he usually was. As she closed up her report, and understanding her company was no longer needed, she excused herself with a last pointed look at Liz.

Ressler drank the sight of her in, like a man in a desert drinking water for the first time in months. He could see she was tense, but something about her seemed different and it frustrated him beyond anything that he couldn't pinpoint a source of the difference. He couldn't see her eyes as they were downcast, and he tried to think of the least intrusive way to get her to actually look at him. With his brain again not functioning at full capacity, as it tended to do when she was around, he took the easiest approach, and hoping his voice didn't come out gruff said "Hi". She looked up then, seeming surprised and confused at the same time. Her response was light however, with just a hint of laughter "I didn't know whether you'd talk to me this time round or not". He sighed, thankful that she wasn't making things difficult. "Yeah well, I had to mix things up somehow", he got the words out with a smirk, feeling lighter than he had in weeks. He had hoped she would come to visit him in hospital again, but knowing that it was probably best that she didn't. God forbid he does something that he would regret. He lacked his usual restraint around her and doing something too forward with her could cause too many problems in their work relationship to be listed. Tom Keen being the bane of his existence throughout his hospital stay. While he knew it wasn't fair, he may or may not have plotted his demise a few times. Or a hundred. But he knew he couldn't do anything, so he steeled himself against the need to touch her. Or to call her and ask her to visit. Or to use those god awful crutches the hospital made him use in the past couple of weeks and drop by her house.

"So what have I missed?" he said with a forced light voice. He watched as her faced quickly changed expressions, him barely being able to keep track. He guessed that she was going over the events of the last week; her mind most likely going from one random thing that Red did to another. While he didn't like her spending so much time with Red, he couldn't deny that for all that he's worth, Red wouldn't allow Elizabeth to ever get hurt. And although Ressler couldn't decide whether Red looked towards Liz in a fatherly way or more, he couldn't prevent her from her job. All he could do was try and get in the middle between her and danger, defending her at all costs. Whether it be with Reddington's help or from Reddington himself.

Liz didn't know how to answer properly. Or whether he meant in a personal or professional capacity. Meera had already answered the professional side of what he had missed, as she had perfectly, as expected, given Ressler a brief and concise report of what happened while he was away. But he couldn't be asking the personal side of things could he? In light of the fact that if he was the one enquiring about her personal life, well quite frankly she wouldn't know what to say. Do I tell him straight away that Tom moved out? Does he already know? Should I tell him about my new apartment? And the list of questions that ran through her mind went on. She decided on ignoring the question altogether and asked him instead "How are you feeling".

He almost laughed out loud. Trying to hold himself together. If only she know. While he knew she was enquiring about his physical health, he couldn't help the thoughts that ran to his actual feelings. A total array of emotions that were building up like a storm in the late hours of an afternoon. The majority being about her and his reaction to seeing her again. Being in any room with her was difficult. But being in her office alone, door closed – wait, what? When and who closed the door? Malik must have wanted to give him privacy, he thought. This was torture to his senses. He was so aware of her, sitting on her desk, still clutching at her coffee cup that must be cold by now like a lifeline. Her not answering the question also raised red flags in his mind. Why hadn't she answered the question? What was she trying to now show him? Had something happened to her?

His mind drifted to the question she had asked and realized that he was yet to give an answer. "I'm fine. A lot better then I was". She winced at that statement and the fact that she cared clawed at his chest. Giving him hope he knew he had no right to feel. He unconsciously took a step towards her, cursing the pain that still occasionally shot up his leg after irregular or sudden movement.

"Keen, Ressler". Cooper's shout was heard from the conference room. They both automatically looked in the direction before looking at each other again. Ressler cursed under his breath. She thought she heard him muttering about interruptions and nurses but she couldn't be sure. She stood up from her desk and slowly made her way to him standing in front of him and placed a hand on his forearm. She could feel the muscles move and the heat that radiated off him under her palm. Looking him square in the eyes she said "I'm glad your okay" trying to show through her eyes everything that she couldn't say out loud. He put his other hand on hers, nodding his head at her in understanding.

"Now!" again Cooper's voice echoed. They sprang apart and stepped out of her office to join the others around the crime boards set up. Both not knowing how they were going to work together. Liz not knowing how to tell him the truth about Tom, and Don not knowing how to prevent himself from doing anything to jeopardize their still shaky partnership.

**Thank you for all your beautiful reviews. Your all amazing. As always id love to know your thoughts and where you want to see it heading. This chapter was not meant to be this long but it kind of ran away from me and decided to keep going on and on. R&R. Love to all! **


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist, nor do I own any of the characters. **

Chapter 6

"Change of plans". Cooper's voice rang out as they joined the rest of the team in the conference room. He was looking directly at Red, who by this stage had joined the group with his usual air of superiority and deafening calmness. Liz had given up on trying to figure out Red's motivation behind all of his actions, knowing that the truth would come out in due time. The wasted nerves and stress that she had gone through at the start of their working relationship had gotten her absolutely nowhere, so she was resigned to just go with the direction that Red was steering them in. While she knew this might not be the safest choice for her, she also knew that there was absolutely nothing she could do about it. She had tried yelling and screaming, tried totally ignoring him, even tried appealing to his emotions. Nothing had worked and she had been dismissed with either a casual smirk or a slight tilt of the head, as if he knew what she was trying to do and was trying to not show his amusement of her efforts.

As Keen and Ressler stepped into the room Red's gaze shifted to her, boring into her eyes as if trying to gauge what mind set she was in. His eyes then drifted to Ressler, as if sizing him up. "Nice to see you back". Red's clear words directed at Ressler were strange by themselves. He had never spoken solely to him, unless it was with a frustrated or condescending tone – the same he used with any FBI agent. This tone had no hint of emotion whatsoever, and made Keen acutely aware that something had occurred between the two men in the Box. Something that she would most likely never find out from either of them, but also something that she desperately wanted to find out. Don's nod in Red's direction gave acknowledgement to the statement, but making it obvious to both Red and Liz that he wanted to avoid further enquiry around so many people.

Cooper began to explain the situation that was occurring around their next Blacklister, oblivious to the exchange between Ressler and Reddington. As he went over the specifics of the case, Red observed the two agents in front of him. His vantage point from the side of the room allowing him time to take every detail in. While their concentration was on Cooper and the next case, he noticed the way that they had regarded each other had changed. While not obvious to an eye that was not looking for the changes, the changes were definitely there. Ressler's posture, while solid and tense as always, leaned meticulously towards Lizzie. Although his body was facing Cooper, he looked like he was using his body unknowingly as a shield for Lizzie, ready to defend her from whatever unknown evils were lurking. Red could tell that he was extremely aware of her standing next to him, and while his attention was on Cooper and his words, his whole countenance gave away the fact that Liz was top priority in his thoughts at the current moment.

Lizzie in turn stood rigid as a post. Hands clasped as if trying to prevent herself from reaching out to Don to make sure that he really was there standing next to her and not just a figment of her imagination. From her steady rise and fall of her shoulders Red could tell that she was trying to steady out her breathing, and in turn steady out her heart beats, which he imagined to be going a 100 miles an hour. He knew that she was not aware that Ressler was coming back today, and he didn't feel inclined to tell her as he figured her reactions would be worth the wait. This however he did not expect. He was used to them fighting like cats and dogs since being thrown together as partners, and seeing the underlying attraction that both tried to suppress as much as possible caused him great amusement, particularly with his dislike towards Tom Keen. Their exchanges often interested him. However nothing that he saw at the moment gave him any form of positive emotion. The pain he saw in Lizzie was something that he wanted to avoid at all costs, he had vowed to himself that he would try and prevent her from ever feeling any loss or pain when he made her join this unlikely crusade. He had seen that with the absence of Tom Keen she had opened up more. She seemed freer and more self aware, as if she liked the new skin that she found herself in. It was painstakingly obvious to him their awareness of each other, however much they both tried to cover up their emotions. Watching them be completely ignorant of the others feelings was painful.

Catching Agent Malik's eye he knew instantly that she was seeing the same things he was. Taking her observation skills in mind for future reference, and grudgingly admitting to himself the respect he felt for someone who noticed details as much as he did. That gift was rare, as can be told by the roomful of FBI agents who had seen no change in either agents, this was including Cooper, who was still annoyingly oblivious to anything other then the straight facts. A true FBI agent at heart, a by the book version of a solider who only saw the black and white of an issue. Not the intricate greys that could form all sorts of complications and obstacles on the way to a set goal. Not to mention the grey areas that were, and could be used in a situation to a person's advantage. This was something Red hated, however, as he had in the past, he knew that he could shape it to his benefit. Maybe the CIA was onto something when they trained their agents.

As Cooper wrapped up his brief and barked out orders to chase up different leads, Lizzie's brain tried to comprehend how to act around Ressler. She wasn't stupid and she could feel Red observing her throughout Cooper's speech. She knew that he had already most likely deduced everything that she was determined to hide. As she turned to look at him she noticed a silent exchange between Red and Malik, forcing alarm bells to go off in her mind. Especially after her earlier conversation with Meera. Liz had never considered those two together as any sort of allies, however as they looked at each other for the briefest of seconds, she knew that it couldn't lead to anything good.

Being instructed to follow up on Red's contact they made their way out of the PO2, Red leading the way while Ressler and Malik struck up a conversation going over the facts that they already had. Liz trailed after them, silently praying that she could hold her self together. Promising her self that she would let herself fall apart under the pressure in the privacy of her own home. Ressler's hand on the small of her back to help her into the lift and allow her to go through before him did nothing to help her situation. While his movement was automatic, it caused her stomach to do flips and her brain to short circuit. Avoiding all of their gazes at all costs, she eventually managed to climb into the back seat of the car with Meera, leaving the two men to take the front, with Ressler behind the wheel. She gazed out the window trying to process the events that had happened, while still trying to listen into the conversation, so as not to miss any pertinent facts about the case.

As quiet settled into the car Meera could no longer stand the building tension that she both saw and felt. With a frustrated sigh and a dwindling thought that hopefully Red would back her up as asked with a casual tone "How's the new apartment?" Liz's eyes snapped to her face and Reddington's amused chuckle could be heard from the front. Malik looked towards Ressler and noticed his knuckles on the steering wheel turn white, as if holding himself from giving away any reaction – which was reaction enough in itself for Red and Meera. "It's fine". Liz honestly wished she could be anywhere else right now. She didn't know how to react and was honestly stumped for words. "Come on now, you know you love it. And if I do say so myself the painting that I gave you for the lounge room fits in beautifully with your new furniture." Red's teasing made her nods at him in thanks and agreement, as she turned back to Meera and voiced "I do love it, its peaceful and calm. Especially the beautiful balcony overlooking the park".

That little conversation gave way to thoughts in Ressler's mind that should not be present. She moved? New furniture? Red gave her a painting? Was this what she avoided telling him in the PO2? That she had moved? But why? And more importantly why was Tom not mentioned in any of this? Surely he would have an opinion on the new painting in their lounge room – which was most likely priceless knowing Red. He knew he couldn't ask any of the questions that were running through his head as Reddington and Malik were sitting in the car. Any actual personal conversation with Liz could not be had in general with those two around, as he feared he would give himself away. While she, for now, seemed to be oblivious to his occasional blunders around her, he knew that the perceptive eyes of Malik and Red would pick up on them straight away. So he sat in silence listening and trying to take in as much as he could of her tone to gauge what was going through her head. Not being able to see her eyes was both a curse and a blessing at this moment. They were usually so expressive that he would be able to see all her emotions, however he would also then have to hide everything that was going on in his own.

As they reached their destination and got out of the car he edged closer to her, noticing the other two as they went off to talk to Red's contact. "So you guys moved?" he really did try to keep his voice light, although he knew that he had failed miserably with the subtlety of trying to find out why Tom wasn't present in the earlier conversation. "I did" was her reply. His frustration transformed into a whole new playing field as her answer didn't really answer anything for him. He grabbed her elbow gently and she hesitantly looked up into his eyes, seeing the questions in there. She suddenly couldn't help the word vomit that was leaving her mouth "Tom moved out. I could stay there in that house any longer you know? It was too big and quiet and held too many memories. So I went looking for an apartment and found this beautiful loft apartment, which I'm sure wasn't without some form of help from Red as its way too cheap for what it is. And I'm starting new with all new furniture and everything. Kept me occupied while you were away". Argh. That last sentence made her stop. Not believing she actually said it out loud. Or any of it for that matter. She looked up at him then, seeing shock and confusion cover his whole face. But she also saw a hint of relief. She tentatively smiled up at him, causing him to snap out of whatever thoughts he had roaming through his mind. "How long ago?" and she knew exactly what he was asking. "A week after I saw you".

That stopped him. He knew he had nothing to do with their breakup and things with him and Keen would just carry on like normal, strictly professional, but he couldn't help the flare of hope that went through him. Obviously almost three months had passed since it happened so it wasn't just a spur of the moment thing. This was serious. As he looked down on her, he saw emotions in her eyes that he couldn't quite place. He thought back to the change that he had noticed in her at the PO2 when he first saw her today, realizing now that this was the cause. She was free. He resisted the urge to pull her to him, a valiant effort that took strength he didn't know he possessed. His thumb unconsciously caressing the skin he found while still holding her elbow. "If you ever need anything…" He let his voice trail, honestly not knowing whether his help would be welcomed. She smiled up at him again, this time with more confidence, placing a hand on top of his "You'll be the first person I call". She didn't know where she got the courage to say that but from the look on his face she knew he didn't mind. While he may never look at her as more then a partner, she knew that as far as partnerships went, their bond was pretty strong. And she could live with that. For now.

**Argh, I do love this chapter, it my form of a bridge from one end of the story to the other where all sorts of things are going to happen. Hope you guys like it so far. As always the more you review the more i write (the longer the chapters). I apologise for skipping yesterday - I was in no condition to write after a christmas party last night :) i made this chapter much longer to make up for it :) R&R pleaseeeee. Love to all! **


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. To my twitchy and scratchy reviewer :). And i apologise for the slow burn, its killing me too and all i want to do is get to the good parts ;) but I'm tryingggg so very hard to keep them in character. **

Chapter 7

As she sat there waiting for Ressler to finish up interrogating a suspect in their current case, she allowed her thoughts to dwell to the last couple of months. Since Ressler had been back, they had settled into a comfortable routine. They spent the majority of their time together, working on cases, leaving little time for anything outside of the job. It was not uncommon to find both of them in either of their offices, pouring over case files with takeaway strewn over the desk. While Red chose to not hide his disdain for the lack of formality towards the food, they were content. Choosing to ignore his comments of how much easier and more comfortable it would be to share food over an actual dinner table. The subject was too personal for them to acknowledge. It brought thoughts to the forefront of their minds, thoughts that they were trying to suppress as much as possible.

While she wanted so much more from him, she knew that this was the way it had to be. However with every day the urge to reach out and touch him, or step into his solid embrace after a long and hard day grew stronger. Working overtime to hide her feelings from both Red and Malik was also extremely exhausting. They were too sharp for her own good. Red's ill-timed comments at the worst possible moments usually left her praying for the earth to swallow her up whole, while watching Ressler give either her or Red a confused and guarded look.

From behind the glass of the interrogation room she watched as he moved with purpose in front of the suspect. Like nothing could ever possibly stand in his way. His ever present look of determination plastered across his face. Frustration seeped through him when he didn't get the desired response from the man in front of him. Casually he looked towards Malik, who was also in the room, slightly nodding for her to take the reins. While the suspect looked relieved that a woman was now taking over, the smirk on Dons face was evident. While FBI was hesitant to cause physical harm to suspects, CIA had no such qualms. Especially when it came to people partly responsible for human trafficking.

A huff from beside her momentarily made her shift her focus from Ressler to Cooper. She knew he didn't approve of Malik, but he also couldn't say anything outright as her methods were effective and she was not actually working for him. She liked to call herself a contractor for the FBI, never actually wanting to lose her association to the CIA. Liz and Meera had had this conversation; it had surprised Liz how much she liked the other agent. The fact that she didn't have time for friends outside of the bureau made her appreciate the easy comradeship that had formed between them. Meera had even visited her apartment a few times on the rare instances that they had time off.

This led to her regretting the fact that Ressler had never seen the inside of her home. While he had seen the outside of the apartment block, having picked her up and dropped her off numerous amounts of times in the last couple of months, she had never actually found the courage to take the step to invite him over to have a look inside. Once she had missed the stage of casually being able to invite him to have a look at her 'new' place, and being already settled in, she couldn't find an excuse to ask him, without it seeming like she was crossing all sorts of boundaries.

He walked into the back room then, to watch Malik's progress from a distance, coming to stand close to Liz. He couldn't help but try and slowly kill the physical distance between them. While he still couldn't stop himself from noticing the way she would unconsciously reach out for him, only to reign herself in again, he had noticed she grew more and more comfortable around him. The added bonus of spending almost all his waking hours with her only sought to increase the easiness between them.

They still never crossed any personal boundaries. He was yet to go inside her new home, and she was yet to return the favor. Countless time he had pictured her walking around his cold apartment, preferably only wearing one of his shirts, reaching for something on a top shelf of his sleek kitchen while he tried in vain to avoid looking at the smooth expanse of thigh that was made visible to him. For he had long ago given up trying to avoid the thoughts. It was useless and they ended up popping up in his brain in the most inopportune times. He was better off getting it out of his system in the privacy of his own office or home. Not that it helped. He knew that Red was on to him. The not so subtle hints and comments dropped when he was around them made that fact painfully obvious. He hoped that she hadn't noticed, sometimes making him confused when she tried to avoid them as much as he did.

They stood together then, her feeling like a high school teenager with a crush. She felt his presence right behind her and hoped that he didn't notice how much he affected her. When she glanced up at him she saw him lost in thought, looking into the interrogation room but not quite seeing it. She couldn't tear her eyes away as his slowly slid down to look into her own. In the darkness of the room every sense seemed to be heightened. It seemed so much more than their usual casual glances, and when usually one on them would look away as soon as possible, neither were willing to break the contact at that particular moment. Painfully aware of the fact that their boss was standing at best two meters away.

Not knowing exactly how long they stood there, a muffled cry from the interrogation room made them break their focus from each other and glance into the glass. Seeing Malik finishing off, Liz's nervous system went into overdrive when she felt his hand on the small of her back. While she had noticed that recently he didn't really seem to be holding back on casually touching her every now and then, she never got used to the feel of it. The want that flared from his touch was like fire burning through her veins. She instinctively leaned into him as he led her out of the office into the conference room, closely following Cooper. His hand retracted when he noticed Reddington in the room. The move obviously being noticed by Red who looked at Ressler, then slowly shifted his gaze to Liz.

Red wasn't a patient man by any means. He chose to hide his feelings behind a thick veil of superiority and confidence, and it had worked for him quite well over the years. The couple in front of him however where progressively pushing him over the edge of reason. As they walked out of the control room they looked like two teenagers who were caught – ironically – by their parents. Ressler's hand dropping from her back did not go unnoticed by him, however the look of loss on Lizzies features spoke volumes. As she looked into his eyes he could see the plea in them not to say anything, as if she didn't want to scare Ressler off. He decided to grant her this wish for the moment, knowing that he could choose his battles. The two made him want to hit his head, or more preferably both of their heads, against a wall. How they were so painfully aware of each other but completely oblivious at the same time was beyond him. Over the past couple of months he had been hoping to see his Lizzie come into the PO2 with a secretive smile on her face, or at least a blush when Ressler came into the room, indicating that something had finally happened between the two. All he was seeing was pained and longing looks that were thrown at each other.

He missed seeing the light in Lizzie's eyes. While he didn't completely approve of Ressler, even a blind man could see how the man felt about her. Red had seen numerous amounts of times in the cases that they had worked together, Ressler putting himself instinctively between her and danger, taking little to no consideration for himself. This was one of the things that made him grudgingly accept Ressler for his Lizzie. The other thing being the magnetic draw that he saw between the two. She radiated towards Ressler, comforted by something as little as his presence in the room when the day had gotten too much for her. He could see them both itching to reach out to each other. Ressler usually having to physically hold something, his car keys, a coffee mug, anything that wasn't breakable in his steel grip was acceptable for keeping his hands from going to grasp for her. She in turn would clasp her hands so tightly together that her knuckles went beyond the point of white to blue. Red had, on a number of occasions, put his hand on both of hers to unclasp them, actually fearing for the circulation. The ever-increasing tension between the two made his resolve to not get involved fade away with each day.

**Thank you to all that reviewed the last chapter! Please let me know your thoughts on this one, it helps me so much. A review from the last chapter gave me a great idea for a story of Ressler 'helping' Liz move her stuff into her new apartment. Definitely doing that after this story is done. I know this chapter is a bit anticlimactic but there is a lot more drama to come. Please don't hate me too much because of the next chapter. Please R&R. Love to all! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. I apologise for this chapter in advance. It physically hurt me to write this. **

Chapter 8

She knew today was going to be a crap day. From the minute she woke up her instincts screamed for her to stay in bed. Pushing the thought to the back of her mind and concentrating on the mission ahead she quickly got ready for the day. Hearing the beep from Ressler's car outside her building a little while later, she made her way down to him, forgetting the last of the nagging feelings that she had woken up with.

Now she sat in the van, all her focus directed on the screen in front of her. It showed the figures of Reddington and Ressler, again on a mission, bluffing their way into an underground drug ring. She felt utterly helpless as she watched and listened to what was happening, hoping and praying that both men would be back in the safety of the PO2 in a few hours. The nagging feeling at the pit of her stomach from this morning was doing nothing to help the nerves that she couldn't stop. While she sat there, eyes plastered to the screen, the heard Malik beside her talking on the phone, the only words that registered with her were the whispered "There's a sniper".

"THERES A SNIPER. GET OUT OF THERE NOW!" she said with as much desperation as she could, not realizing she probably shouldn't have yelled into their earpieces until the last second. Their lack of movement let off warning bells in her head, surely they would have flinched from her yelling? "Nod if you can hear me". Nothing. No reaction from the two men. She turned to Meera, seeing the worry in her eyes that mirrored her own. Communication was lost. There was no way to let them know of the drastic change in the situation. "Let's go". Meera's response to the situation brought her back from the panic flooding her veins. They sprang from the van, and all Liz could hear was the blood rushing through her veins as adrenaline gave her the extra power to push herself forward towards the warehouse. Her mind on the two men left to fend for themselves inside. She ran to them. To him.

He had realized a while back that communication had been lost, the subtle whispering that was in his ear of her voice mixed with Malik's barely distinguishable, but it gave him a sense of calm knowing she was safe and watching over him. It was now gone. With a glance to Red, he could see that the other man had realized the same thing he had. The next couple of minutes flew by in a blur. One minute all was quiet, the next he hears her screaming in his ear to get out of there, and letting them know that there is a sniper. But that's not what makes his blood run cold. The fact that she's panting and he can hear her footsteps through the earpiece could only mean one thing. That she was running. And knowing her she was running to where he was. Into the sniper zone. The frustrated sound that left his mouth alerted the surrounding men that all was not right and they instantly had a dozen guns being pointed at them, the men demanding to know exactly what was happening. Within moments they were surrounded by FBI backup forcing the drug lords back and onto the ground. Scanning the surrounding chaos with his eyes he looked for her, not being able to spot the telltale brown locks that he came to associate with only her. He yelled into the earpiece to tell her to stay away, knowing it was futile. A thought to tearing into the IT department when all of this was over and personally injuring the person responsible for the communications went through his mind. And then a shot rang out. And then another from the other side of the warehouse. So there was more than one sniper. As the shots kept firing Ressler noticed that the snipers were only interested in the criminals, not caring for the FBI swarming the warehouse. Not skipping a beat, he turned to Red and bodily blocked him from the most likely positions that the snipers might be perched in.

And when asked at a later date to give a full report of the proceedings that followed he would not be able to give a straight answer. A shot rang past his ears, close enough for him to hear it pass his ear and hit the wall next to his and Red's head. With his concentration occupied trying to find the snipers location, he failed to notice the drug lord that had gotten loose amid the chaos from the arresting FBI agents and aimed a gun directly at his chest. The sharp pain from Red hitting him brought him back to attention and made him look in the direction of the gun and see the trigger being pulled. But the impact and pain he was expecting never came. Instead he felt a body being flung into him from the force of the bullet.

He lowered the body to the ground, and as he turned it over in his arms to see who it was his heart almost jumped out of his throat. Liz. His Elizabeth. He let out a roar of pain, not knowing how to breathe, his airway constricting from the pain of seeing her. Her blood on his hands. He gently placed her on the ground, faintly aware of Red's barked orders to get medical attention on the spot immediately. Typical of him to still be the calm one in this situation. He grabbed her face between his two hands, leaning into her so that their noses almost touched, not caring for the people around him and their reactions. "Stay with me" he repeated over and over again. "You are not leaving me". As the paramedics arrived and tried to push him out of the way he let out an almost feral growl, not aware of his own actions. Red's firm grasp on his shoulder and the command to allow them to save Lizzie the only thing that forced him to move from her side. He watched as they sped her away, not allowing him to get into the ambulance with her. He turned around and punched the nearby wall with all the anger and frustration and pain that he felt. Hoping the physical pain would help him get a reign on his emotional one. It didn't help, and he faintly registered the fact that he now had a broken and throbbing hand. In the back of his mind he noticed that the shooting had stopped, equally grateful that no one else could be shot, and pissed off that it was too late for her.

Turning back to Red and needing to take out all of his emotions onto somebody he yelled "Why the hell did she do that? Of all the…Of all the stupid…" Red looked at him, as if not sure whether to chastise him or reassure him. He choose neither and went with the truth that he knew Ressler needed to hear. "As if you don't know". And that statement made Donald stop. Everything freezing around him with the shock of those words. It couldn't possibly mean what he thought it meant. Turning over everything that had happened in the last few months in his head, the glances, the touching, and the ever-present tension whenever they were both in a room. She couldn't possibly have gone through everything he did could she? Red's words made him question everything he knew about himself. Was he really that blind? Asking the question that that was first in his mind "What do I do?". He knew that pretenses with Red where useless, no matter what he tried to hide he had always been able to see straight through him. Particularly now when his mind was scrambled beyond help. He needed an anchor. A single thought to cling to. The other man surprisingly took pity on him. "You go to her, and you be there for her". That statement lifted the fog straight from his mind. His clear goal being set out before him. Throwing caution to the wind he threw a last parting nod at Red, composing himself as much as he could while sprinting to his car and driving while a single purpose. Liz.

Red watched him leave; hoping that the push he gave to Ressler was the right thing to do. He hadn't missed the way that Donald had protected him from both the snipers and the stray drug lord. Watching Ressler as he realized who the body that had shielded him from the bullet belonged to was painful. Both from it being Lizzie that took the bullet and from the clear heartache and horror written all over Ressler's face when he realized it was her. The protective stance above her showed that he was working purely on instinct, the inhuman growl that left his chest when the paramedics tried to get close only proving that fact. Red analyzed the situation quickly, being able to see her being shot in the shoulder, a thought and though, so he was able to keep and clear head while the paramedics tried to unwisely push Donald out of the way. The wake up call he had given Ressler after the great show of wall punching was long overdue he thought.

While he wanted nothing more than to follow the ambulance carrying his Lizzie away, he knew that for now she had a perfectly capable watchdog looking out for her. And he had more pressing matters to attend to. He had to make sure that the drug lord that had shot Lizzie would unfortunately not make it to the holding cell alive.

They had made him wait for hours in the waiting room for any sort of news. He had worn a path between her room and the water cooler, not being able to sit still for fear of breaking down completely. He needed to be doing something. To see her. Know that she was alive. Knowing he would die just to hear her laugh one more time. No one could tell him the extent of her injuries, or how long the surgery would take. And that just frustrated him more, allowing his mind to stray to dark places that it shouldn't. After speaking to both Cooper and Malik over the phone, being thoroughly interrogated by both of them as to what happened and what condition Keen was in, he was drained. Not being able to give them any sort of real answers. Even he didn't have them. Why had she done it? She took a bullet for him, and while would take one for her any day, all he wanted to do when she woke up was yell at her. Either that or kiss her until he got the image of her body bloody and on the cold concrete floor of the warehouse out of his head. He stared at the door leading to the surgery rooms not knowing what he would do if she didn't survive this. Knowing the person who did this to her was still walking and breathing clawed at his insides. If she didn't survive this, neither would the man that shot her. He'd make sure of it.

**I hope you don't hate me. I just thought that something drastic would have to happen in order for one of them to realise the others feelings. Lets face it, it would have taken them years (and it probably will on the show knowing my luck) to actually make a move. Please let me know your thoughts, they are always so overwhelming and beautiful! R&R. Love to all!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Merry Christmas to all you beautiful people. This chapter is my gift.**

Chapter 9

As she slowly drifted into consciousness she felt like a truck had driven over her and then proceeded to drag her along with it for a couple of miles. The last thing she remembered was running towards Ressler, jumping in front of him as the she saw the gun pointed at his chest. His heart. Not being able to deal with the chance that he might not have survived after she had obviously lost consciousness, she tried to catalogue her injuries. Everything felt numb, however she could feel her toes and fingers move – no limb damage thank god. Her right shoulder was what caused her the most pain, deducing that this is probably where the bullet hit. She slowly opened her eyes, her eyelids feeling like they weighed a ton. Looking around the white walls she figured she was in a hospital room. Not wanting to acknowledge that she was alone in said room, she tried to find the easiest way to call out to someone. Not finding anything and not sure if her voice was able to work at the moment she let her mind drift. Surely Ressler would be here if he was okay? Checking on her? What if something had gone wrong and he was shot after her? How long was she out for? Where was Red with his all knowing presence when she needed him?

As her thoughts drifted to the morbid side of things Red stepped into the room. Speak of the devil and doth he shall appear. "Lizzie", his relief was palpable. "Your awake". She smiled up at him then, happy to see a somewhat familiar face at the moment. Someone that was there and that cared. Realizing she wasn't capable of speaking yet he began to give her a brief update on things. Explaining that she had been out sleeping for twelve days, being shot in the shoulder. He gave her a run down of what happened to the drug lords and the snipers, without resisting telling her about the man that shot her. That was currently about 10 feet under. "And I'm sure you had nothing to do with it. " was her rough reply as she struggled to talk, his answer being given with a slight self appreciative smirk "It was the strangest thing but the FBI couldn't find any leads as to who did it or why. Mystery really".

"How is everybody else?" the question hung in the air, while she really was concerned for everybody, there was one person she wanted to know about specifically, the one whose absence she felt in her bones. "Everybody's fine. Nobody was shot after you, the FBI did an okay job of the cleanup arresting all the remaining criminals, save for myself of course." Everybody was fine, thank god. But it made his absence all the more noticeable. She felt a stab at her heart from it. But of 'course he wasn't there, she was just his partner. She tried to block the tears that built up in her eyes. From both Red and herself.

Red looked at her and knew he said the wrong thing. Her eyes swelling up with tears did not go unnoticed and he realized she was feeling the loss of her absent partner, seeing the perceived rejection in her eyes. He quickly remedied that situation. "The first time he left your bedside was on the tenth day. By which time Cooper had to personally come and remove him, making him go home and clean himself up. Terrorized all the nurses while getting himself patched up, trying to make them look after you first". And with that her tears flowed even more, like she just couldn't hold herself together and the weight of everything that had happened was just crashing onto her now in this moment. The new revelation that he was here for her swirled emotions in her the she didn't think were possible. She turned her head away from Red, while still grateful for the hand that held hers in a tight clasp. She couldn't form a coherent sentence, the chocked thank you being the only thing that he picked up. She couldn't stop herself from the choked sob that broke through her throat. A nurse came in then, and realizing she was awake called for the doctor. Red moved away, allowing them to work over her, asking her questions, but still being in the room, being a silent support system for her. He knew Ressler was somewhere in the hospital, probably getting his hand x-rayed to see if the bones where healing up properly, but he also knew she needed to put herself together first, a few minutes to get her emotions under control. Once he was satisfied the doctors where doing their best in assisting her, he waved his hand in a gesture that said he'd just be outside and stepped out of the room. Noticing Agent Malik outside he gestured to the room and let her know that Lizzie was awake, the agent quickly hurrying inside to see the fact with her own eyes.

"You gave us quite a scare there" Meera said and was greeted with a responding smile. While she could see Liz had been crying, and recently, she chose not to comment on it. Instead enquiring as to how her friend was. The doctors left them to talk, instructing Liz to not overexert herself and press the button if anything was needed. She thankfully nodded and then turned her attention to the other woman. While Meera could see something was troubling her colleague and friend, but not wanting to push her, she decided to cheer her up and take her mind off whatever it was. She didn't need the extra strain of her thoughts while she was healing.

Which is exactly how Donald had found them. Giggling like a pair of teenage girls, so unlike their usual everyday façade. Not wanting to disturb them yet, her drank in the sight of her. So small and pale on the hospital bed. All he wanted to do was wrap her in his arms and never let her out of them. Protect her from anything that could come to harm her. The twelve days that she was unconscious were hell for him. There was not a single moment that he did not wish it was him lying in the bed instead of her. The only thing soothing his soul was the fact that the shooter was now dead. Mysteriously. No leads could be found as to who did it – which was fact enough for him that Red was responsible. And for that he was grateful.

Noticing his presence in the room, she looked up and caught his eyes in hers, the laugh she was about to let loose getting caught in her throat. Malik turned and looked up, seeing him standing as rigid as a post. "I'm sure you can take it from here" was all she said in his direction as she sauntered from the room. He didn't even spare her a glance, eyes never leaving Liz's. Slowly he approached her bedside, needing to be close. His hand involuntarily reached to brush her bangs out of her eyes, then slowly moving down to cup her cheek. When she tilted her head into his hand and closed her eyes his breath caught and he shifted so that his other hand cupped her head and both thumbs brushed her cheeks. With her head now in between both his hands she couldn't help but look up into his eyes. They gave away so much that she felt like crying all over again. From sadness or happiness she wasn't sure. "Don't you ever do that again" was all he whispered and it pierced her heart as if he had shouted at her. He cared. And that all she needed to know at this point. She forced her heavy hand up to reach for him, only managing to grab a hold of his shirt. "I heard you terrorized the nurses", he smiled at that, but when she lifted her free hand to his bandaged one, removing it from her face and brought it up to her lips to place a soft kiss to the middle of his open palm his heart stopped. While he dreamed that she would feel the same way about him, he never thought that it was a possibility in real life. The hand that was holding his shirt was now tugging him down, and while the pressure was impossibly soft, making him painfully aware that she was still incredibly weak, he could not and would not resist her pull. He leaned down slowly being careful of touching her too firmly, but as soon as his lips touched hers all bets were off. Her lips where so soft under his that he felt like he had died and gone to heaven. She in turn wanted to cry from the softness that he used with her. As a few tears slipped out from her closed eyes, she slipped her tongue out of her mouth and tentatively licked his bottom lip. The groan that she heard from him as he opened his mouth to her was all she needed to allow herself to continue exploring him. Cursing her weakness when she couldn't continue to hold him against her like she desperately wanted to.

Sensing the change in her, he pulled away, still holding her face, noses touching. He looked into her eyes and with a small smile said, "Sleep". A flash of panic coursed through her eyes and understanding pulsed through him "I won't leave, I'll be right here", and with that promise she closed her eyes, giving into the darkness that had been pulling her under. True to his word he pulled a chair that was against a wall beside her bed and held one of her hands as he, for the first time in twelve days, allowed himself to sleep peacefully.

**Theres not much to say after this chapter. I love it because i can finally get to the fluff that I love. As always, your reviews mean the world to me. So please R&R. Love to all! **


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Merry Christmas to all! I hope you and all of your families stay safe for the holidays! **

Chapter 10

He sat in the hospital chair trying to go over what he had missed in the last couple of months. How could he miss her feeling the same way? Did she feel the same way? The kiss was amazing. Earth shattering. For him it seemed like his whole life was now split in two, everything that happened before the kiss, and everything that will happen after. The way she held him made his heart want to explode in his chest. But what if it was a heat of the moment thing for her? Like an attempt to prove to herself that she was still alive after her near death experience and he had absolutely nothing to do with it? He had seen it before, the need to prove the life flowing through a person veins after almost loosing themselves. He had seen soldiers do borderline questionable things to prove it. Hell, he had done it before after his first tour. Or after bullets where taken out of him, bullets that led to being a hairs width away from death.

He wasn't a hundred percent sure that she wanted this. All he knew was he wanted this. And he'd be damned before he does anything to hurt his chances with her. He would be there for her in her recovery, going at the pace that she set. Watching for a sign from her. After Audrey he had closed himself off to any sort of feelings, but this woman unknowingly bulldozed into his heart, rendering all forms of resistance useless. So he would be there when she needed him, and hopefully sooner rather than later she would allow herself to see him as more than just her partner.

As she drifted in and out of consciousness trying, but miserably failing, to stay awake for any long period of time, she let her thoughts stray to the man sleeping in the hospital chair beside her. He looked so uncomfortable she almost woke him up, but the sheer exhaustion written across his face even in sleep gave her pause. Obviously Reddington had been right again when he said Don never left her bedside. His face at that current moment made it painfully obvious that he hadn't even slept for the twelve days she had been unconscious. She didn't want that for him. Her mind drifted to the kiss and she had to close her eyes to try and savor the memory of him. His taste. His smell. The way he handled her – with such gentleness that her heart had nearly broken. For a man who was so strong and solid, a man that she looked at to be her rock in any situation, to be so utterly gentle and tender was just unthinkable.

She knew that she couldn't go back after that kiss. The floodgates were open, and while before she had fantasies of him, now she had something real to compare it to. And as cliché as it sounded, nothing could compare to the real thing. She didn't know how she lived so long without it, the all-consuming heat that didn't compare to anything she had ever experienced. She wasn't letting go. She wouldn't let him go now. As stubborn as he was she was determined. He wanted her that much was obvious, from the heated look he gave her when she kissed his palm; she just had to find out how much. She wasn't stupid enough to run after a man who didn't want her, or wanted something short term. Not that she thought he was that kind of man, but she did want to make sure before she was all in with her heart. At least that's what she told herself, because deep down she knew that she was already way over her head.

Weeks went by, with her recovery progressing as expected. They never discussed the kiss but he was always there. Helping her through the rehab, driving her home for the first time after the hospital, calling her every so often to make sure she was okay and had everything she needed at her place. While he was always there to help, he also gave her space. Which she both appreciated and grew extremely frustrated over. She appreciated the time he gave her to recover and get back to her full strength, both mentally and physically. But the fact that he shied away from any personal topics again frustrated her to no end.

She did notice he was a lot more gentle with her over the couple of weeks following the shooting, the lingering glances and shy smiles that were exchanged sent her nerves into a frenzy every time. It was as if he was waiting for something but for the life of her she couldn't figure out what. She was sick of waiting. When she came back to work she thought something would change, while she could understand the behavior while she was in hospital and recovering, she couldn't understand it when she returned to work. She was fairly certain he wanted the same things she did. So what was he waiting for? She had spent too many long nights trying to come up with a way to make him think of her as not some breakable china doll, but a woman who was strong and could handle anything he threw at her. Her frustration festered with each passing day.

The conference room was cluttered with a number of people. While Red was seemingly unaware for the goings on around him, his sharp sense took everything in. Particularly the tension in Lizzies posture. While for all intents and purposes she seemed to be having a rather amusing conversation with her colleague, Fred? Flint? Whatever his name was, and seemed to be quite enjoying herself as he said something that entertained her. Her head being thrown back in laugher and her hand reaching out to steady herself, landing on the guys forearm, just proved that point. But he saw the tension in her shoulders, the way her smile did not quite reach her eyes. The way they would flick casually to the door every couple of minutes as if she was waiting for someone.

His mind again went to how useless half of these people that were surrounding him were. How Cooper still missed the interactions between two of his best agents baffled him. The only competent occupant, baring Lizzie, was Meera, who he was currently in conversation with. He enjoyed talking to her, and while she was currently grilling him on his past criminal activities, they both knew he wouldn't give anything up. Both however, took comfort in the easy battle of wits that passed between the two of them. For he knew that Meera still didn't feel like she belonged here. Surrounded by FBI. He could relate. And while his purpose for being here was primarily Lizzie, he knew that Agent Malik was here because of him. She was thrown into this assignment by forces outside of her influence, pushed outside the comfort of the CIA, and he felt partly responsible for her discomfort. They had struck up a sort of silent agreement over the past couple of months. Between them both feeling like strangers in the PO2, and the frustration they both felt towards what was happening, or not happening, between Lizzie and Ressler, they were bound to have some common ground.

"Storm clouds heading this way". Her statement caused him to look away from Lizzie and follow her gaze towards the entrance of the PO2, seeing Ressler step inside. Red saw the frustration his eyes, and then watched as he scanned the room, eyes landing on Lizzie. He almost chuckled as he watched Ressler's face show a kaleidoscope of emotions from anger to jealousy to withdrawal. He watched as the Agent reigned himself in, took a breath and walked towards Lizzie. Red's eyes moved to Malik's briefly, not wanting to miss a thing, directing a "This could get interesting" her way, before quickly looking back at the show that was about to unfold.

He walked into the PO2, tired and frustrated from the lead he just chased up. It wasn't promising to begin with, so he wasn't all that surprised when it was a dead end, but it still frustrated him to no end. All he wanted to do was see Liz, talk to her for a bit so that she could soothe him with her calm presence, go home and try to get at least a couple of hours of sleep.

He saw her in the middle of the conference room, all bright and smiling. Throwing her head back and laughing at something Flint was saying. Try as he might he couldn't stop the jealousy that instantly bubbled up inside of him. The hand the landed on Flint's forearm as she tried to steady herself did nothing from his irritation. Why was it so easy for her to be around everyone else but him. She was even comfortable around Red for God's sake. He walked over to them slowly, trying to catch any detail he could about the exchange between them. Not wanting to acknowledge the fact that she might be interested in this guy. Surely he would have noticed if something was going on between the two? And then it all snapped. The pure fact that he might have lost his chance with her gave him a crude awakening. When his hand landed on her elbow he felt her whole body tense up, her eyes flicking up to his, questions fluttering through them. "Can I see you for a moment please". His tone didn't leave much room for argument; neither did the grip he had on her elbow. As he steered her away from prying ears and eyes she went over the change that she saw in the man that standing next to her. He seemed surer of himself, but at the same time completely lost and confused. Like he was steeling himself for something.

In her office she took a step away from him, casually allowing her eyes to drift to the window between her office and the conference room as if trying to catch anyone who might be looking in. He stepped further inside, leaving her by the door as she closed it. With his back towards her she saw the tension built up in his shoulders. Frustration seemingly seeping from him. "Is there a problem?"

That question made his teeth grind. For there really shouldn't be a problem. She wasn't his and could do and talk to whomever she liked. He just never allowed it into the realm of possibility that she could be interested in someone in the PO2 other than him. He didn't think he could handle that. Seeing her with a husband outside of work was one thing, seeing her with someone at work, constantly in front of him, well that was just hell on earth.

She could see the frustration in his eyes as he turned back to her. Something was still holding him back, although she could see his resolve tethering on the edge. So she decided to push him, throwing caution to the wind. Because surely rejection had to hurt less than the pain she was feeling for the last couple of weeks. Him being so close but not able to touch him was killing her. She was sick of waiting. And so she pushed "If you've got something to say, say it". She threw it into the wind as if in challenge. Not really sure where this conversation was going and trying to understand where all this frustration towards her was coming from.

He really did try to form a sentence in his mind. Something to explain exactly what he was feeling to her. But he was never a man of many words. Actions spoke louder than words in his book. And he was a man of action. He stalked towards her slowly, searching her eyes for any sort of hint to her not wanting this. Her eyes gave away nothing, just looking up at him as if trying to figure out his next move.

And then she realized that maybe she didn't need him to say anything. This was surely better. He stalked towards her like a predator. Walking into her personal space and not stopping until both hands were flat against the door on each side of her head. He felt a shiver go through her and he tried to distinguish whether it was out of fear, anticipation, or hesitation. When he saw her eyes flick from his and down to his lips he knew there was no going back.

She felt like a caged animal but she couldn't help the shiver that coursed through her body at his closeness. She wanted him closer, reaching an arm around him to hold him in place while her hips moved towards his. He let out a groan and allowed his head to fall on her shoulder, nose nudging at her neck, smelling, inhaling her scent in. Vanilla. "Tell me to stop" his husky voice sent shivers through every nerve ending in her body. She was quickly loosing any capability to speak, let alone think. She knew that they had reached their precipice. This was it. And he was letting her choose, giving her a way out. She almost laughed at him for thinking she had any choice in the matter. There was no way she could let him go now.

"No"

A rumble came up from his chest that she felt go through the skin where they were connected to her very soul. He pressed himself further into her, all hard planes against her softness, pushing her further into the door of her office. His forehead against hers.

"I want this. I want you" was all she said, because she needed him to know. She had wanted this desperately for months, since visiting him in the hospital all those months ago. Since before that if she was being honest with herself. With him in front of her now, she didn't think she'd ever let go. She moved her free hand to his stomach, letting it travel up, feeling the tight muscles moving under her hand as she went further. Skimming his collarbone, lightly with a finger, finally ending with her hand wrapping around his neck. The hand that was wrapped around him pushed him further into her, while the added pressure from the hand on his neck let him know exactly what she wanted.

He let go of everything, all the control that he had been holding onto for the many months he had to spend around her, all the doubts that clouded his mind every time he was around her. As his lips descended on hers, he looked into her eyes, feeling a sense of calmness wash over him. This was right. This was exactly what he needed. Her with him, safe. The look of passion and trust she gave him made all other thoughts fly from his head, making him give himself up to her completely. Pouring everything that he couldn't yet say into the kiss.

**The more you review the more i update - and the longer the chapters. Please let me know your thoughts and which direction you would like this story to go in now that we are actually getting somewhere :) Pleaseeeee R&R. Love to all as always! **


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Happy Holidays to everyone!**

Chapter 11

She was literally seeing fireworks. Everything was exploding in her mind as she closed her eyes and felt everything that he was trying to say through the kiss. He wanted this. He needed this. And she knew that she was beyond need and want. She couldn't imagine breathing without this. A whimper escaped her lips when he pushed himself further into her, as if trying to hold her in place. She wanted to feel his hands on her, but he kept them solidly on the door behind her head. As if trying to hold on to the little control he had. The hand that was on his lower back traveled up his spine causing him to shiver and pull back from her. Still trapping her in the cage of his arms. Her eyes instantly flew open as his breath fanned out across her face and she saw him trying to pull himself together. Not willing to let him regret this, she tried to pull him down again, though not succeeding. She searched his eyes, trying to understand what was going through his mind, why he had pulled away.

The rejection that he saw flitter through her eyes when he pulled away painfully pulled at his heart. The kiss stirred things in him that he didn't think were possible, but he had to get himself under control. They were still in her office, and while the doors were closed and they were hidden from the window, there was still too much risk in someone seeing them. He felt her grip on the back of his neck tighten and knew that she didn't want it to end yet. Neither did he. Her scent and taste would haunt him for a long time. The way that she had responded to him made him want to do all sorts of things to her that he knew he couldn't. Yet. That was why he didn't try and touch her with his hands. Something in the back of his mind stopped him, for he knew that once he felt her, caressed her, he wouldn't be able to stop.

He dropped his face into her neck again, trying to get his breathing under control, her hand caressing the back of his neck made him return the favor by passing his lips slowly over her neck to the spot behind her ear, carefully inhaling as he went. "Not here".

His husky voice was enough for her to understand why he had stopped. She was grateful that at least he had the decency to remember exactly where they were. While being pressed between him and the back of her office door, her mind had completely shut down. Her brain only having the capacity to concentrate on him. Everything about him was exactly what she craved. Strong, hard, gentle, warm. An impossible combination all wrapped up in a package that was the man in front of her. She tried to gather her thoughts but his breathing into her neck did little to assist in the matter. She tugged at the soft hair she found at the back of his head, chuckling as he let out a moan of appreciation while lifting his head up from where he was nudging her collar of the top she was wearing out of the way slowly with his nose. He drew back slowly, taking in her face, her lips, and her eyes that were dancing with mirth. He couldn't restrain himself from responding with his own small smile. A smile that quickly turned into a smirk when he realized she was using the door to support her weight after he had stepped away, as if she wasn't sure her legs could work properly.

"Shut up" her voice carried little heat as she smiled up at him. Knowing very well that he knew he left her breathless. She wasn't complaining. Pushing herself away from the door, she walked past him and tried to sort through the jumble that was her thoughts. She turned slowly, and then sat on the front of her desk, knowing she needed as much support as she could get right now. Her eyes flicked to the window, as she was now in full view, realizing that while a whole eternity passed for her, it might only have been a couple of minutes in the real world. Nobody would hopefully question what had happened, as it wasn't an uncommon occurrence for either of them to be in each other offices with the door closed. They had done it numerous amounts of times over the past several months; the constant flow of people coming in without knocking while they worked would have squashed any thoughts of misconduct. Thank god nobody came in this time.

She let her eyes drift back to him, carefully watching him and looking for any sign of regret or hesitation in him. All she saw was a lightness that she hadn't seen on him in a long time. He seemed more relaxed and calm. This frustrated her, as all she could think of was jumping him all over again. Shots of lust going through her again as she took in the rest of him from a distance. How could he be so calm and collected after what had just happened? Why couldn't she have the same control? He smirked at her again, as if reading her thoughts, provoking her even more. "How can you be so damn calm after that?".

Her annoyance seeped through her tone. The way she had looked at him as she sat on her desk didn't go unnoticed. The heat that flared in her eyes, combined with the way she had unconsciously crossed her legs made him mentally groan. Well at least he looked put together in her eyes. He was basically on a platter before her, after months of skirting each other, and for the first time in a long time he felt like he didn't have to hide what he was feeling. So he didn't stop himself from saying the words that came to mind. And he also wanted to see her reaction. "Don't for one minute think I don't want to push you back up against your office door and make you scream my name". And that did it. He watched as her eyes slammed down and her thighs clenched together. Her hands gripping the table so hard that her knuckles turned white. She slowly breathed in and out, as if trying to keep a hold of herself. His effect on her stroking his ego to new lengths.

He didn't play fair. She had to close her eyes after that statement. Looking at him would lead to her throwing herself at him and pushing him onto her office floor, colleagues across a thin piece of glass be damned. She knew what he was doing, he had seen the effect he had on her and she cursed the way her body had instantly responded to his voice and words. Her thighs clamping together to try and suppress the heat that was flowing through her body to her very core. Well two could play at that game. She slowly opened her eyes and let her eyes roam up his body slowly, allowing him the chance to see her peruse him. Not failing to notice his eyes drift to her bottom lip as she caught it between her teeth. Allowing her words to fall in a seductive whisper "Don't say things that you cant follow through with Donald Ressler".

She heard the curse from his lips and smiled in victory. Thankful that she wasn't the only one that couldn't hide her reaction. The tightening of his whole body gave her enough information to go on. He wanted this as much as she did. Heat radiated off him in waves, washing over her even from their respectable distance. She had said it in challenge. The last time she had said something to him in challenge, it had resulted in her being pushed against her office door, stuck between it and him. Hopefully this would lead to something equally satisfying.

Surely she knew what her saying his name did to him? He was agonizingly aware of the window that prevented him from reaching out and accepting the challenge she offered to him. Very aware that nothing could be done in full view of half of the FBI team on the other side of the glass. "We need to get out of here". _Before I do something drastic. _The last sentence being unsaid by him, but understood by her all the same. She quickly organized herself, finding her keys and phone and stood up from her desk with a nod. He watched as if in a trance, as she gracefully moved, passing him and reaching the door. The smile she threw his way promised trouble for him. She opened her door, looking back at him with a raised brow as if in question, spurring him into action and letting his feet follow her instinctively.

Red watched as the two left her office. Polar opposites of the people that had walked in twenty minutes earlier. He watched Lizzie walk out first, with a wide smile on her face, one that reached her eyes and her soul. Her appearance was a stark contrast from the woman he had been seeing for the last several months. She was lighter, freer and happier. She looked around, as if trying to see if anyone was looking her way, eyes landing on him. Seeing the question in his eyes, she nodded faintly at him, and that was answer enough for now. She sent a small smile his way, then looked up at the man that had vacated her office after her. Donald seemed extremely oblivious to anyone other then the woman in front of him.

Red wasn't a fan of FBI agents, considering them useless hindrances in his everyday dealings. His respect had grown however grudgingly towards Ressler however. The man was constantly trying to protect Lizzie, hell even him when the moment called for it. He also respected the way he was on constant alert, always aware of everything around him. It as a trait that Red himself had used countless times over the years to keep himself alive. However the Ressler that stood before him now had only eyes for Lizzie. As if making up for all the times that he had made himself look away in the past. Red couldn't fault him, for Ressler was the one that put the look of ease onto Lizzie's face. The twinkle in her eyes that had been missing for far too many months. Red acknowledged the fact that he had to be grateful to Ressler.

He turned his eyes back to Lizzie then, noticing her looking at his face trying to gauge a reaction from his inspection of them. Silently asking for his opinion. His approval. This was more than he could ever have hoped from her. It touched him in a way that a thousand words couldn't have. Knowing it was important to her, he gently nodded his head, seeing her shoulders slouch in relief. She smiled up at him again, watching Red casually gesturing towards the door. Ressler, who had finally brought his eyes away from her, saw the move and placed his hand on the small of her back, steering her out of the PO2. Red couldn't help the feelings of contentment that flowed through him. Seeing Lizzie happy again meant he could now concentrate on other things, without having his mind constantly worrying for her well-being.

"Finally". The word from the agent next to him made a chuckle escape his lips. "Couldn't have said it better myself".

**The end bit was for all those that asked for more Red and Meera, i love them too :). Plus i needed a Red approval. Im so happy I'm at the good bits of the story! Feel free to add your suggestions as to what you want to see next, even if they don't go into this story, I'm planning a Drabble story for all the amazing ideas that you guys have already given me :). Pleaseeee review guys - they make the hours writing in this heat worth it! Love to all! **


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Although i will have to watch the show all over again to get an understanding of where the show is actually at, as opposed to where my head is at - I've gotten completely ahead of myself in my fantasy Keenler land :). If there are any kiddies reading this story - please stay away from the next couple of chapters. You have been warned. **

Chapter 12

She wasn't sure how she could feel this happy. How everything had changed in the span of thirty minutes, her life being turned upside down. Making her realize how clearly unhappy she had been for months. His hand on her back exhilarated her, wanting nothing more than to turn in his arms and wrap herself around him, getting lost in all the sensations he brought out from her. Their walk to his car was silent, but not lacking in heated glances and soft touches. When his hand left her back and reached for her hand to help her get in, her stomach turned inside out. How could she possibly feel so much? She had loved Tom, without a doubt. She had been happy with him. But never once had she felt this all-consuming heat she was feeling now. This slow burn that had started and seemed to ignite her whole body. One touch from his hand sent sparks of heat through her system. And she couldn't wait to catch fire.

As they drove, she couldn't help but notice him going a completely different route than to either of their apartments. She turned her eyes at him in question, doubts flaring through her mind again. Could she have been that wrong? Surely not after what had happened in her office?

His thoughts were clouded to everything except her. Current case, Reddington, the whole FBI be damned. He had her and he wasn't letting her go. He reached out to the hand that was resting on her thigh, needing physical confirmation that she was in the car with him and that this wasn't some amazingly realistic dream. He stifled a moan as she started playing with his fingers, gently tracing his joints one at a time. This single point of contact making his blood boil. But he wanted to do this right. Do right by her. So he steeled himself to hold back a little longer, waiting for her to realize they were not actually going to either of their apartments.

Her usually perceptive self took a bit longer then usual to glance his way in confusion and question. Seeing the doubt clouding her eyes made him aware that she was nervous. He smiled down at her in reassurance, trying to convey everything him felt for her through his eyes. "I at least have to buy you dinner first" her answering laugh washed a sense of peace over him. "Didn't seem to stop you in my office". And she was back to the torture. How he was going to survive with her he wasn't sure, but what a way to go.

A frustrated sigh left his throat, making her chuckle. She saw him grip the steering wheel in a death grip, pleasing her to no end that she brought out this kind of reaction from him. While she was frustrated in the best possible way, she did want to see where he went with this. His need to go about it the proper way made her feel precious, realizing that he wanted to do the right thing by her. Which was ironic when all she wanted to do was tell him to pull over so that she could climb into his lap and do mind-blowing things to him.

They pulled up at a restaurant, one that she hadn't even known the existence of. His hand traveling a path from her back to her hip as he secured her into his side. She gave no resistance as she molded her body into his. The inside of the restaurant was a huge contrast to what it looked like from the outside, as it had looked like a run down warehouse. The inside however was furnished in a 1920's style. The smooth jazz music playing and the private booths giving the place an indescribable sensual vibe. She lowered her eyes as she heard him speak to the hostess, trying to get herself under control and get a grip on the situation.

Surely he knew what he was doing to her? The atmosphere of the restaurant only heightening all of her senses. As they slipped into a booth, she almost groaned at their position. They had a perfect view of the empty stage, but where hidden from view of any other patrons. Thankful that he decided to sit across from her and not beside her, she gathered her thoughts. Considering he wanted to drag things out for her, she could assist in making his life a little more difficult.

The grin she had on her face made him weary. Not sure of her next move. He had brought her here for the privacy, not sure whether he could keep his hands off her through a whole dinner. He knew that this place allowed for privacy. The drug bust he had carried out here a couple of years ago proving that. What he hadn't counted on was her using it against him, cursing the stocking clad foot that was now trailing up and down his leg. He glued his eyes firmly to hers, needing her to see what she did to him. At this point he wasn't sure he made the right decision in sitting across from her - there was no way he could fight back or retaliate. Feeling his control slipping from this sweet and perfect torture, he was almost grateful to the waitress for interrupting them and asking for their order. Barely looking at the menu, he ordered a steak, while watching Liz take a bit more time choosing. She casually held a steady conversation with the girl, all the while reaching higher and higher with her foot under the table. Finally deciding on the ravioli pasta.

He watched as she turned her attention back to him, seemingly with and innocent expression, but her eyes gave her away. As if challenging him to comment on the movements under the table.

Dinner progressed slowly. But the ease of conversation surprised both of them. While they had held back for so long, both felt the need to be completely open with each other. They shared stories of growing up, training in Quantico, past cases, families, everything was left out in the open. There was nothing left to hide between them. As desert was brought out, Ressler felt his control slipping. Instantly feeling the tension taking over his whole body as she moaned around the chocolate mouse cake she was trying. It brought thoughts of all the other sounds he could make her do to the forefront of his mind.

As she opened her eyes and noticed the heat in his she bit her bottom lip. Watching as his eyes drifted down to catch the movement, she decided to experiment with his control a bit more by taking another spoonful of the mouse and licking it slowly off the spoon. He clamped his eyes shut at that. "Don't". The huskiness in his voice brought back all the feelings she was trying to suppress during dinner. She was back to burning from the inside out. She put the spoon down, as if surrendering her weapon, and moved out of the booth. His eyes flew open as he heard her movements, his brain trying to catch up with what she wanted.

He was more than ready to go, and her staring down expectantly at him was indication enough for him to know that she wanted it too. He followed her out, stopping only to pay for the dinner at the front, then joining her in the cool nights breeze outside. She had her back to him looking up towards the stars, and he knew he wanted to remember this moment forever. It was the start of something between them. Without anything standing in the way. No Tom or Audrey, their past no longer a concern for either of them. No Red or Meera, with their ever-penetrating gazes and knowing looks. No cases that he cared to even spare a thought to in this moment. It was just him and her, on this cool autumn night. Nothing, not even her, stood in his way now. So he let go of everything, and followed his instincts.

Grasping her hand and leading her to the car, he took her by surprise when he didn't open the door for her, but rather positioned her between the car and himself. Her breath caught in her throat as she reveled in their closeness again. A girl could get used to this. She refused to meet his gaze but rather allowed her hands to travel, starting with his forearms gently moving up his biceps to caress his neck and reach their destination of holding his face between her hands. She could feel his heartbeat match her own pounding rhythm. Unhurriedly she let her gaze drift over his face, landing on his eyes. She was shocked to see no barriers. As if he had relinquished all his control to her. For her. And she loved it. To see him looking down at her with such care and heat was unbearable. She couldn't take much longer. "We're going to my place, its closer".

She said it in a tone that broached no argument. Not that he ever would. But he couldn't let go of her just yet. His hands drifted from where they were resting on her hips, up her sides and over her arms until they both reached and clasped her neck. His massaging fingers caused her to lean her head back urging him on. The movement allowing the front expanse of her neck to be open for his perusal. His mouth automatically latched onto her neck causing a whimper to escape her mouth and her hands to move from his face to his chest. When he felt the pressure of her pushing him away with a whispered "Not here" he thought that his own words were coming back to haunt him.

He pushed off from her, finally opening the car door and her helping in. Amusement bubbled within her as he drove to her apartment in record speed. She couldn't remember much of the drive, or the walk up to her apartment door. She did remember the fleeting thought that went though her mind, as she tried to get the key in the lock, that this was the first time he would be in her apartment. His hand gripping her hip only causing her hands to shake more. He chuckled slightly, the apparently ever-present self-satisfied smirk on his face when she glanced back at him. This gave her the motivation to pull herself together and hopefully make him pay. Finally getting the door open, she turned to him sharply and took hold of his perfectly arranged tie, dragging him inside. His amazement was written all over his face at her boldness, kicking the door closed as he went.

Trying to get a handle of the situation, he reached out to her, grabbing her hips and pushing her into the closest available wall. His hand instantly going to the back of her head to prevent the impact that was inevitable. Her surprised "Oomph" from the collision being muffled as his lips descended upon hers. "Bedroom" the one word coming from him being both a statement and a question as his lips followed the trail of skin towards her collarbone. She pushed him away, only to slowly walk down the corridor and round a corner, slipping her suit jacket off as she went. Momentarily frozen he followed her with his gaze, wondering how long it would take him at this pace to go up in flames. Realizing that he couldn't give a damn quickly, he followed her by the trail of clothes she had left behind, slightly dejected that he wasn't the one that got to rip her blouse off her body as he had wanted to so many times in his dreams.

The sight that met him however instantly expelled any regrets out of his mind. Her kneeling on the bed in front of him in her black lace made his heart beat increase to an outrageous rate. She reached for him and he deliberately walked over to her, watching as her hands reached his shoulders, pushing the suit jacket off. Her fingers continued their movements as her hands moved down to remove his tie and unbutton his shirt, her lips coming to kiss every piece of chest that was being exposed to her. He patiently waited for her to unbutton his shirt all the way down, nearly loosing his control when she untucked the shirt and allowed her hands to climb back up his chest to his shoulders to push it off. He allowed a hiss to escape from his mouth as she scraped her teeth along his collarbone, and dug his hands into her hair, forcing her head to his level and claiming her mouth with his. As she arched into him he circled an arm around her, using it to pick her up completely off the bed, pressing her into him as much as physically possible, while using his other to support them both on the bed as he lowered her onto it.

She was lost. She had never been this turned on in her life. She didn't know whether it was the months of built up sexual tension or just him. She didn't care, because she never wanted to lose this feeling. This was what she was missing, something that she didn't even know she craved. She circled her legs around him, making the heels of her feet dig into the back of his still clothed thighs to push him further down onto her. She ripped their lips apart, not happy with his current state of dress and flipped them over so that he was now on his back. He tried to pull her back down onto him but she resisted, instead moving her hands down from his shoulders down his chest to the button of his pants, his head instantly pushed back into the pillow from the realization of what she wanted. Then slowly lifting both his hips and his head to assist in removing his pants.

She watched in fascination as he looked up at her in awe, as if not truly believing that she was in front of him, his hands traveling up her sides, her hips, the tops of her thighs as if trying to memorize every inch of her. In an unexpected move he sat upright so that she was straddling his lap and his arms encircled her, moving to the middle of her back to unclasp her bra. With the lace being loose, he used his teeth to remove it from her body and she had to use his shoulders for support as her head was thrown back to accommodate the moan escaping her, his name dripping from her lips. His mouth latched onto a newly exposed breast, using his other hand to mirror the movement of his tongue on the other one.

She was perfect. As she sat on his lap, grinding herself into him through the thin material that was separating them, she was absolutely perfect. All the heartache and pain leading up to this moment was completely worth it, and he knew he would repeat everything – with the exception of her getting shot – all over again a hundred times to be here, under her, in this moment. Their hurried movements to remove the remaining clothing, with the combination of soft caresses in-between caused the blood in his veins to simmer beyond boiling point.

The world seemed to stop for the two of them as again their positions changed, she on her back and him on top with his hands framing her face, firm but gentle. Her heart was ready to explode out of her chest, trying to get closer to his. Mindlessly making her back arch to press herself impossibly closer. As he slipped into her for the first time, she let a tear escape her eyes, him catching it with his thumb. He stared to apologize and pull out, until she quickly shook her head and wrapped her legs around him, pushing him all the way in. He tried to understand what she wanted, but the look in her eyes was not something he could decipher. His confused and concerned expression as he looked down on her causing words to be uttered from her lips that she hadn't even admitted to herself until this moment "I love you". He smashed his mouth to hers with incredible force, in such contrast to the movements of his hips that it took her by surprise. She responded in the only way she could, by trying to feel every inch of him that she could reach.

She felt herself reach her climax moaning him name, leading him to follow in his own peak seconds later, his head buried in the crook of her neck. She stroked his sweat soaked back, holding him to her for as long as she could. Eventually he slipped out of her and rolled off, instantly making her miss his heat. Her thoughts drifted to the words she had said to him in the heat of the moment, while she knew they were true and didn't regret saying them, she regretted the fact that maybe she had scared him off. She felt him move against her and realized he was lifting her up and onto him as he laid on his back, forcing her to look up at him. His face was illuminated in the moonlight from her bedroom window and seeing thoughts running through his mind she knew he was trying to put words together.

He didn't know how to put into words what he was feeling. While the words from her lips seemed impossibly important and made his heart soar out of his body, he felt that they didn't even seem to cover a small part of what he was feeling. He knew she needed a response, no doubt misplaced doubt clawing in her mind from his lack of an answer. He pulled her to him, forcing her to look into his eyes and for her to hopefully see what he was feeling. Still not feeling like it was enough, he gathered the courage to lay his heart on the line "I love you" he paused, not knowing how to fully explain the rest of his thoughts, only coming up with one line that somehow conveyed a small part of how she felt to him, how calm and content she made him feel when he was with her. She was his calm in the storm. "You are my home".

**Thank you as always for the reviews. They are always beautiful and helpful. I do wish more of you would tell me your thoughts. Its the only feedback i get to know how to improve or what to concentrate on :) Hope everyone is staying safe! Love to all! R&R. **

**- Stace**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Though i stand by my wish to own my own personal Donald Ressler. **

Chapter 13

They had drifted in an out of sleep well into the wee hours of the morning. One waking the other throughout the night with gentle kisses and heated touches. As the sun peaked into the window of her apartment Donald couldn't help but doubt his sanity. There was no way that all that he had wanted was lying next to him, tangled in sheets with hair cascading onto both pillows and a face pressed into the side of his bicep. He had been awake for several hours, watching her sleep in the moonlight, not having the heart to wake her up again. She needed sleep after last night.

He slid out of bed, careful not to jostle her, however not being able to resist placing a small kiss to her exposed shoulder. He walked through her apartment towards her living room, taking note of her belongings. The apartment was all creams and beiges, with hints of dark wooden furniture spread out tastefully. He appreciated the fact that there was no clutter. It all screamed her, calming him even away from her presence. He stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the park, leaning against the railing. He didn't know where to go from here. He wanted this, and he certainly wasn't willing to let her go now. After their declarations last night he wasn't sure he'd be able to sleep without her by his side anymore. Which would lead to all sorts of complications. One being the fact that they had only actually been together for not even a day, and all of this was moving at warp speed. He would understand if she needed space from him. And how would they deal with work? Obviously they needed to stay professional, but would he have to go back to not looking at her? Doing everything possible to avoid touching her? He didn't know how long he stood there, watching the sun rise higher and higher above the horizon, trying to figure out what to do next.

The hand that slid around him to rest on his bare abdomen startled him out of his thoughts. He carefully turned to see one of his fantasies coming true. The vision that she created left him utterly breathless. She stood before him, wrapped up in a bed sheet and what he suspected to be not much else. He let out a sound of appreciation as he wrapped his arms around her pressing her back into his front and turning them both around to face the view. His arms circling her, as she laid one hand on his forearm and the other was left to clutch at the knot holding the sheet together, leaning her head back onto his shoulder. He pressed his lips to her hair "Morning".

They stood there watching the life below them, the rise and fall of his chest calming her. She knew that he was lost in thought, probably about their changed status – to whatever they were now. She let him drift until she felt the arms around her tighten, as if trying to stop her from leaving. She turned in his arms then, facing him and cupping his cheek with he free hand. Seeing him lean into it made her heart swell, but his worried eyes didn't go unnoticed. "Stop worrying".

"I just don't know where we go from here" the worry in his voice was evident. She didn't have an answer for that, as she didn't know either. No matter what the future held she only knew that she wanted this. Her heart had found its home with this man in front of her, and she wasn't about to let that go. "We'll get through it together". She stretched up onto her bare toes to reach his lips softly. His growl made her very aware that she was naked under the sheet, the added friction of his hands going up and down her sides leaving burning skin in their wake. She pushed into him further, a muffled squeak leaving her lips when his hands grabbed her waist and lifted her into the air to carry her back inside, lips still locked in a passionate kiss. They never made it to the bedroom.

The morning after had been everything she had dreamed of and more. He never wavered in his gentleness. She never lacked the heat that she had realized she had started to crave more than air. When they eventually ended up in her kitchen to get some much needed sustenance, his heated gaze sent shivers from her spine down to her toes. She felt like a teenager all over again – flustered and shy. She thought that it was strange that, him being in her apartment, making himself at home while digging through her pantry, made her feel like her apartment was turning from her house to her home. As if he was the missing piece that she needed. She no longer felt alone in its walls. How was she meant to come home now without this? Without him being there, while she watched as her got frustrated trying to find the salt? Or any of the other mundane everyday things that she never put thought to until she watched him do it? With everything being so new, she knew that he obviously wouldn't want to move in with her so soon, but what would they do now? Causal sleepovers? Dates? Huh. Dates. Thank god he'd made sure they'd at least been on one date. Her restraint yesterday was something to be desired.

She smiled and got up from the breakfast bar, her arms now free to move as she had lost the sheet and was now in his shirt from last night. She reached for him, stilling his hands then pushing them away so that she could assist with making breakfast, with the way that he was going they would never actually eat anything.

Too soon it was time for him to leave, needing to get home and change to avoid being asked questions at the PO2 as to why he was wearing the same clothes from yesterday. He couldn't help but grin like a fool when he tried and failed to retrieve his shirt from off of her. A sense of possessiveness tore through him every time her saw her in it. The goodbye at her front door was long, while both knowing that they would see each other in a couple of hours anyway, neither wanted to let go of the new fond closeness between them. As she leaned against the closed door once he had left, she couldn't help grinning like a child on Christmas.

He got to the PO2 before she did. Not surprising considering his speed to drive home, shower, get changed and quickly drive to work, not wanting to miss a single moment with her. He was talking to Cooper about yesterday's lead and the dead end that it turned out being when she wafted in, sending a casual smile and nod his way and then moving to talk to Meera at her desk. To anyone who was looking he knew that she looked exactly the same as she always did, calm and professional. But he could see her being so much brighter and happier then her usual self. Satisfaction coursing through him, as he knew he was the cause. She was like his bright light in his all too dark world.

Meera's smirk did nothing to help her try and hide everything she was feeling. She felt like she was radiating. Happiness coursing through every fiber in her body. "Enjoyed last night I see" it was a statement not a question. How Meera knew what she had been doing was beyond her, but Lizzie was positive that the ever-astute agent knew exactly what had happened last night. There was no use denying it, not that she wanted to. While she hadn't spoken to Donald about what they should tell their colleagues, surely those that already knew without being told could know? And what about Red? There was no use trying to hide anything from him – he always knew things before they even happened. Hell, she was pretty sure he instigated half of the attempts to push them two together. Meera's raised eyebrow detached her from her thoughts. Not being able to hide the smile that accompanied the response "We had a wonderful night".

Meera noticed the intentional use of the word "we". So finally that had gotten somewhere. Well good. She was getting sick of the forlorn glances and sighs when she was around them. She also liked to see this happier side to Keen. Though she would definitely miss Red's well-timed comments to the both of them. He hit the right amount of awkward and uncomfortable every time. She considered for a moment the new material he had to work with in front of her. Surely he'd just move to comments about them being together instead of just utterly oblivious? That man never did fail to amuse her. Meera turned her thoughts back to Liz, knowing it wasn't the best time or place to have a conversation about exactly how good a night it had been, allowing the conversation to steer to safer topics.

After the debriefing with Cooper, Ressler knew that it wouldn't be all too suspicious to move to his partner. He felt her stiffen when she felt someone next to her, looking up with a smile when she realized it was him. The smirk Malik threw at him caught him off guard, not knowing whether Liz had told her or not. He knew that they were friends, but he wasn't sure how he felt about everyone knowing that they were together in the workplace. While he did want to tell every male around her that she was his, he didn't want to open their relationship to the scrutiny of the FBI and their colleagues. He tried to keep up with what they were saying, but he couldn't make himself concentrate, as he already knew most of what they were discussing. And he mostly just wanted to give her a proper hello. As they wrapped up their conversation, he gestured to his office, which was a lot more secluded and didn't have any windows that overlooked the conference room. Better safe then sorry.

As soon as she entered the room she felt his hand circle her waist and push her back into the now closed door. "Hi". That was all she got as he stared down at her. She beamed up at him in response, not being able to stifle a laugh that was building up "You have a thing for office doors don't you Agent Ressler?" His answering throaty chuckle being answer enough for her and he started to assault her sense with his hands roaming her back and his face now buried in her neck. Never one to be very patient, she tugged at his hair, moving his head from her neck so that her mouth could cover his. She had wanted to do that as soon as he had left her apartment. Being able to fulfill said wish made her realize that she never had to restrain herself around him anymore. She loved the feeling. Eventually the need for air won out and they separated, trying to get their breathing under control. Both recognizing where they were at the same moment, they slowly separated, him going to his large executive chair, and her into one of the chairs in front of his desk. He debriefed her on the new developments that Cooper had told him that morning in relation to the case, and they both brainstormed where they could go with the new leads provided.

As they settled back into their usual routine of tossing ideas backwards and forwards, Liz knew that it would all work out. They were more then capable of dealing with their work and personal lives together. Worst comes to worst, they would just take it one day at a time.

**Kirst92 - you hit the nail on the head with where i was leading with the balcony :)) thank you for noticing :) **

**Im overwhelmed at your responses. Seriously they make my morning every time i wake up and see them. Thank you so muck for them! I don't know how often ill be able to update in the next few days as i have friends visiting from another state and my house is going to be pretty chaotic. Bare with me please - there will be more even if it is delayed and not my usual everyday update. As always, I LOVE to hear your thoughts. Please R&R. Love to all, and stay safe over the holidays! **


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. Im back! And this chapter is a bit different to any of the previous ones. Definitely different outcome. **

Chapter 14

This past week had been strange. He just couldn't place a finger on what the problem was, and this frustrated him more than he would ever admit. Red was used to being the one that knew everything first, using people's tells to figure them out. The subtle twitches in a person's eye, or the minute hand gestures that instantly gave away a person's intentions or thoughts. Throughout his whole criminal past it was what helped him survive. Helped him make money. Helped him convince people of the lies that he carefully wove. So not being able to figure out this current change in behavior frustrated him.

He could pinpoint the change to the first day of when he came back to New York last week. The Friday afternoon that he had met with Lizzie for coffee at, what he now thought of as, their café. For the past six months, every time he would come back to New York from wherever he was traveling, on the second day of his return, they would have coffee at this particular coffee shop. Sometimes joined by Ressler, but more often than not, it was just them. He updated her on the goings on of the outside world, and she informed him of any changes that had happened in his absence. The last six months had flown by in a hurricane of cases and close calls, so the weight was slowly lifted off his shoulders every time she opened up to him a little bit more in that little coffee shop. Their routine was simple, without the added pressure of being surrounding by FBI agents at the PO2. The tense atmosphere pressing down on them.

While she seemed her usual carefree self this time, her eyes crinkled just a little bit more. Her hand gestures just a little bit more introverted. Not wanting to press her, however still undeniably curious as to the cause, he skirted around several topics that could be the cause. But she never showed any outward aversion to any of them. He had gone through work, Ressler, Cooper, any current cases and criminals, he even mentioned Tom at one stage. And while this did make Lizzie tense and on edge for a while, he could tell that this wasn't the issue currently plaguing her. So he stepped back and watched. Used his extra powers of observation to try and figure out what was wrong.

He tried looking at the bigger picture.

In the past few months he had come and gone as he pleased. Presented them with cases, provided them with answers to questions they didn't even know to ask. Dealing with the FBI was definitely not on his list of choice things to do, but they had to be tolerated. Donald usually provided to be an amusing distraction from the painfully boring agents that usually swarmed the PO2. His approach being very similar to 'bull in a china shop'. Meera was another entity altogether. Her quick mind and witty remarks always trying to be one step ahead of him. While his guard was always up, he let her in a little bit more than anyone else, baring Lizzie. He respected the fact that she never pressed to receive answers for her questions. And while his interactions with every other agent left him with a feeling of being interrogated, Meera's sharp and clever observations always left him thinking. He enjoyed her much more than he should a CIA agent, however he took comfort in the fact that at least she wasn't FBI.

He had watched as Lizzie had become happier with the arrival of Ressler in her life as more than a partner. He saw the proverbial weight on her shoulders being lifted almost instantly from the moment they had walked out of her office, from what he assumed to be the first actual confrontation of feelings between the two of them. She no longer tried to hide anything in the depths of her conscience. He also closely watched how Ressler treated her. While before he seemed to always be willing and able to throw himself between her and danger, he now seemed to be reluctant to let her go out at all. Always thinking of ways to omit her from any sort of fieldwork that could go wrong. And while Lizzie wouldn't take no for an answer, Red always saw the moment of pain that flashed through Donald's face at the thought of something going wrong.

And as he watched them both for the past week, he noticed no noticeable change in Ressler. He was always sharp and to the point. Still as alert as ever. And still painfully aware of Lizzie. The subtle gestures to touch her where still there. Causal glances still exchanged. No change to the easy routine they had established. So Ressler wasn't the problem.

He though over the current cases. There was nothing out of the ordinary that could cause such a change in Lizzie. Just the everyday criminals that they had been dealing with on a regular basis. And while he did not assist in every case that they came across, he knew the gist of every single one. He of course came and went as he pleased, no one and nothing could keep him in chains, but he did have a necessity to check in on Liz. He made it his business to know of the cases she worked on and the criminals she followed. Just to prevent her from getting to far over her head. He had long ago acknowledged the need to protect her to be more primitive than anything – to protect what was his. And that's the way he looked at her – his. He would never tell her whether he was actually her father or not but he knew the questions floated in the forefront of her mind every time he was near.

He didn't want to burden her with the knowledge of what he really was, and whether she guessed it or not he knew she was better off not knowing. However, that didn't stop him from caring. And the need to protect her grew the more he learnt new things about her. The more he watched her.

So why was she acting so strange? Why did she give Ressler worried glances when she knew he wasn't looking? Only to put up a carefree front when he turned to her? It was as if she wanted to tell him something but was scared of his reaction. But what could it possibly be that Red didn't know about?

It all became incredibly clear in a matter of seconds the following Wednesday. A day like any other. Except the pieces in Red's mind had all come together with just one subtle gesture from his Lizzie. He mentally groaned for having missed it, so painfully obvious and in front of him the whole time. However he gave himself a free pass for missing this one. He was after all a man, and liable to miss these things. He wondered when Ressler would find out, no doubt the man was still completely clueless to the changes in Lizzie. He watched as she carefully walked into the PO2, casually stepping away from Ressler and wandered towards Meera for their usual morning chat. The mini explosion caused by coffee being spilt on a particularly touchy piece of technology causing all the ever-alert agents to flinch and look for the source of the noise. But Red's wide eyes where glued to Lizzie, who had instantly allowed her hands to go to her stomach. As if protecting something. And that was the moment where all the pieces fit together in his mind. Everything instantly making sense.

There would be good news coming his way soon.

Oh how he hoped for a little baby girl.

**HA - Different much? This kind of ran away from me, i wanted to do something about Tom coming back but honestly i still can only picture Ressler driving a truck over him (best possible scenario for Tom in my head) so I'm thinking this is better. Hope you all had an amazing break - my liver hates me and I'm soooo glad to have an empty house again. i love my friends but i miss the QUIET :) hope you and your families all stayed safe! as always R&R. Love to all! - Stace**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer - I do not own the blacklist. I'm also so very extremely sorry for the lateness of this update. I hope you guys are still with me - you've all been amazing!**

Chapter 15

Okay, so she could admit to being a coward. Usually she was never one to back down from a fight, never choosing the easy way out. She faced problems head on. She had put up with Red all this time hadn't she? And the man was without question the most stubborn human being she had ever met. Stubborn and sly and smart and quick to pick up on any small detail that she let slip. And oh god he surely new the predicament she was in right now? How could he not with his all knowing presence? Argh, she really couldn't think of him right now. No. Right now she had to think of the man that was about to walk in through that door. She knew she couldn't put it off any longer. His confused looks thrown at her direction for this past week gave away his knowledge that something was not right. But try as she might she could not put into words everything she was feeling and everything that she wanted to let him know.

A baby. Oh god. She had never wanted children of her own. Her whole life she had wanted to adopt a helpless child, a child that was left to it's own devices to brave the world that was too harsh and too unforgiving. Why create new life when there were already so many existing lives in need of love and support?

But that was all before the test came back positive. In the bathroom of the PO2 no less. She had bought the test on the rare instance of her driving to work by herself, Don having to leave her apartment earlier for a early meeting with Cooper. It was burning a hole through her mind from the moment she had bought it to the moment she had allowed herself to go to the bathroom, not being able to wait until she was in the privacy of her own home. And when it came back positive her whole outlook changed. The vision that resulted from the two stripes that confirmed her suspicions blurred all past perceptions on children. For she suddenly had a vision, and as cliché as it sounded, the children with Ressler's blonde hair in a field of daisies made her heart swell. And her head to hurt from the sickenly sweet image. Registering the fact that maternal instincts were already settling in, she allowed herself to stray to the idea of having the picket white fence dream, the two point five kids, husband, a dog and neighbors that came around every other Sunday for a barbeque. This had to stop. Firstly, in this wind whirl that was her life, that wasn't even a possibility of reality. Secondly, that's not the life that she had ever wanted, and that hasn't changed. What she knew was that she wanted Ressler, and that wasn't ever going to change. That's what she needed to concentrate on. And know she had to face telling him something that they had never even properly discussed before.

So she sat there in her office, two weeks after finding out herself, in the late afternoon of a typical Thursday. Knowing that if she put it off any longer she would never tell him, and he would eventually have to figure it out himself when she was the size of a house, and she couldn't hide the belly.

From her vantage point, she could see him come into the PO2, all sure strides and cocky head tilts to their colleagues. However he didn't pause by anyone, moving swiftly to the direction of her office. She could feel her heart beating so fast that she had a fleeting though that it was trying to escape her ribcage. Possibly trying to avoid being in the same room as the inevitable confrontation that was about to happen. Her door squeaked open and she didn't even get a chance to say a proper hello before the door was closed and he held her in his arms, mouth firmly plastered on hers. She relaxed into him, feeling the calm seeping through her as she let him take control, knowing that she needed this just as much as he did. She let her fingers drift from their place on his neck, further up, paying homage to the short hair on the back of his head and then finally finding their place on the side of his face. He drew back eventually, but never quite pulled away, resting his forehead on hers.

"Have dinner with me". His husky voice sent shivers down her spine, his fingers ghosting on the small of her back sending heat waves coursing through her body. Oh how she loved to go up in flames with him. "We have dinner every night together" her answering chuckle forced a small wave of hesitation to course through his eyes that she didn't fail to notice. What was he thinking? She knew he wasn't a man of many words, and getting him to talk about feelings was close to impossible, not that she ever pressed the matter, but not knowing what he was thinking on these occasions frustrated her. "You know I will". This caused him to smile. But the hesitation was still present in his eyes, and whether it was that he was unsure of himself or her she wasn't sure.

They had driven for just over an hour. When he sad that he wanted to try a new place she never would have though somewhere in the middle of nowhere was what he had in mind. She had pushed back the thoughts of telling him her news until she knew what all this was about. While over the past seven months of dating they did try new places, sometime venturing to the outskirts of the city, they had never travelled this far. She trusted him completely, however the side glances he sent her way made all her sense go to high alert, the winding roads and forest on either side not helping the case of nerves. As they pulled into a driveway, one that she would have missed completely if she was the one driving, the storm of thoughts racing through her mind only increased.

So he wasn't stupid. He wasn't sure when it had started exactly, but for about the past week he knew she was acting strangely. Her usually calm exterior showing the first cracks of something that he couldn't quite place. She seemed more unsure of herself, and while he knew that she had wanted on several occasions to tell him something, he watched as she reigned herself in and continued on like nothing was out of the ordinary. And he didn't push. He knew she would come to him when she was ready. Besides, he had his own issues to worry about.

These past seven months had been unbelievable. Completely out of the realm of anything he thought was possible. With Audrey he had been happy, he had loved her without a doubt. But with Liz there was a certain harmony. They were completely in sync with each other. She understood him completely. He loved that he never had to apologize for doing his job, she was just as dedicated as he was. The late hours, the early mornings, the canceling of dates, the missed appointments. That was his usual life, and with Audrey he always felt the guilt weighing on him like a truckload of bricks. He always felt like he was constantly apologizing or trying to smooth things over in their rocky relationship. Liz understood him before he even spoke. The easiness of the interactions was striking. And while they still fought constantly, he loved the fact that she never backed down to stand up for what she believed. Never backed down from a fight. And they had the most interesting ways of making up. One particularly nasty fight that had resulted in them locked and in the backseat of his car in a deserted parking lot will forever be imprinted on his brain.

So the decision came simply to him. A fleeting thought that had turned into a monster, taking over all thought processes. He knew without a doubt that he wanted her to be his. For as long as she allowed it. And he wanted to make things more permanent. His plans where as low key as he could manage. Not wanting any information to leak into the ever-prying eyes and ears of the FBI and his colleagues. He knew she wouldn't want anything extravagant, something high class was to neither of their tastes. So he rented a small weekend luxury cabin in the most secluded part he could find.

In the back of his mind he knew that he needed the approval of her father, however her biological father was still to make an appearance in her life and her adopted father was deceased. And as loath as he was to admit it, the next best thing was Red. While he wasn't sure what Red was to her exactly, he knew that the current father figure in her life was Raymond Reddington. So he gritted his teeth and cornered the man while working on a case. The delight at seeing a frustrated Donald asking for his permission to ask Liz caused physical pain in Don. The amusement in the man's eyes at his obvious discomfort was plain as day. And while the threat of death if Don was to do anything to hurt Liz was left unsaid between the two men, it lingered in the air, both very aware of the subtle warning. The cabin had actually been one of Red's ideas. The subtle hint that no one would bother them while they were there assured Ressler of their safety.

So he had planned and gone over everything in his head a thousand times. Which was another hint in itself that something was wrong with Liz, as she didn't seem to realize how preoccupied he was over the past several weeks. So far everything was going to plan, and she had surprisingly not asked too many questions on the long drive. The look she sent his way when he turned off on the driveway gave away that the ruse of 'having dinner' was up. They drove up and parked, him slowly walking to her side of the car to open her door. As she stepped out she smiled up at him, reaching for his hand, and pulling him in the direction of the cabin. They explored the surroundings for a bit, until finally she changed her course straight to the front door, dragging him along with her. The pure delight he saw on her face when she saw the interior caused his heart to flip. She radiated beauty and light, and he again had to remind himself that he wasn't just dreaming this amazing and surreal dream. That she was actually here with him.

They slowly settled into the cabin, him bringing their luggage from the trunk of the car that he had packed while she was at work, while she organized the kitchen to get something ready for dinner. They eventually found themselves in front of the fire that he had built, cozying up to each other for body heat and comfort, both too wrapped up in each other to care about the outside world.

His patience was wearing thin. While his tolerance levels where usually very high, his nerves made him feel like he was about to burst. He pulled away from her, reaching into his pocket and getting out a small dark navy velvet box out of his pocket. Her small grasp and shocked eyes looking up at him making him want to wrap up the whole thing and forget it ever happened, but he pushed himself further, opening it for her perusal. Her eyes instantly flew to the ring and she tentatively reached her delicate hand for it, only to pull back at the last minute and look up at him in question and with a tilt of her head. There were so many things that he had planned to say, but they all seemed so insignificant at this moment. Nothing that could be put into words could come close to what he felt for her. No words could describe his need for her. His love for her. So he said what he meant the most. Asked the question that he needed an answer to, because he as ready for his life to start, and it could only start with her by his side.

"Marry me?".

"I'm pregnant".

HA. Again :)… and again I'm so so so sorry for the lateness. id love to say i have a good excuse but i don't - people tried to pry me away from the comfort of my house to party and drink and have a life. and i miss my home and my computer and Keenler and Olicity and my pi's. I'm possibly the worst 21 year old out there. but i love you all and hope your still with me. the reviews have been amazing. one made me tear up a bit. i can't explain how much they mean to me. hope your all safe. Love to all! R&R - Stace


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. **

Chapter 16

You could quite possibly hear a pin drop. His face didn't give away any emotions. He just sat there perfectly still staring at her with a blank expression. She on the other hand was a compete mess, with countless thoughts flying through her mind. How could she be that stupid? How could she possibly have thought he'd be happy with a baby? And what the hell was the idiot doing? Staring at her like that? Honestly, at this stage she'd rather be yelled at for getting pregnant in the first place. Rather than have to sit here and watch him, the emotionless statue that he now was. Great. Just great. She had broken the robot. The man that rarely showed any outward signs of emotions, or fought his very hardest to avoid emotional displays. She wasn't sure exactly how long they sat there, not registering whether is was a minute, or an hour, hell a whole day could have gone past without her notice.

The small, slow, movement of his hand was the only thing that woke her from her thoughts. The hand that dropped the box, as if completely forgetting about the object and everything that it represented, into his lap. The hand gradually inched closer, towards her. It took a few seconds for her to register that it was moving towards her belly, and more specifically, towards the life that grew inside of her. She watched with abated breath as his eyes dropped to his hand, as if also wanting to register the unconscious movement. As the hand finally landed on her belly, his fingers gently curled in and out, slow and steady as if in a caress.

"Pregnant". And she wasn't sure whether that was a question or a statement that came out of his lips. Or whether it was even directed at her or not. His face was almost comical as in a flash it showed all the emotions that were suddenly put on display for her. Joy, happiness, contentment, delight, but also the distinct presence of fear on his face could not be missed. "Pregnant" she confirmed in a small shaky voice. That drew his attention back to her, his eyes instantly moving to her face. She almost blanched under his intense gaze. Okay, so maybe he was happy? Maybe he did want this as much as she did? She looked into his eyes trying to gauge his reaction, being confused from being thrown from silence to this new look in his eyes.

And suddenly he was on her, his lips trying to reach as many parts of her face at once as they could. She baulked under the onslaught, not sure how to react, her brain trying and failing to catch up to the sudden change in him. Her hands on his face made him slow his movements but not move back. He let his forehead rest on hers, staring into her eyes trying to show her all the emotions that were running through him, things that he would never in a million years be able to out into words. His whispered and breathy "I love you" made her eyes slam shut, but even that didn't help the tear the escaped her eye, leaving a trail of moisture on her cheek. His breath fanning her face calmed her as she tried to steady her nerves. Her shallow breaths coming out uneven. Her doubts being quelled with that sure statement. She opened her eyes to meet his once more.

She suddenly remembered something that she had completely missed previously. The box that was currently between both their legs instantly burnt a hole through the very material covering them. Her eyes moved downward, searching for it, her hand reaching towards the pace he had dropped it to. She brought it between them, faintly registering the fact that he was clearing his throat out in the background. But as much as she had just dropped a bomb on him, he had dropped one on her of equal size and importance. And while she had had time to process the baby side of things, this marriage idea was something new. She had been so preoccupied with herself these past couple of weeks that she had completely missed this. Not even being aware of the life-changing event that he was planning to be in store for them. She avoided his gaze as she opened the box, seeing a princess cut diamond in a platinum band. While she wasn't the biggest fan of jewelry, choosing to wear simple studs or an occasional bracelet or necklace on the odd occasion, she couldn't fail to notice the beauty of this ring. As if it was specifically made for her. She didn't even want to think about the size of the rock – for there was no other way to call the diamond of that size - and how much it would have cost. She would ask him later. Much later. For now she wanted to spend her night with the man sitting in front of her, still waiting for a response to his question. She dragged her eyes away from the ring to look up at him, seeing the burning question in his eyes. She also saw the worry and hesitation in his eyes. Moving her head, she slowly worked her way from the back of his ear and down his jaw, then carrying out that same movement on the other side, landing on one side of his mouth, leaving her tongue to flick the seam of his joined lips. She gradually added pressure, not giving him an out and making his lips give way beneath hers, allowing her access into his mouth. She tried to pour all the love and tenderness she felt for him into the kiss. Once thoroughly satisfied that he shouldn't have any doubts left as to her feelings for him, she puled away and contentedly smiled up at him.

"So do I have to put it on myself?" And that did it. All the worry and hesitation that was working its way through his mind disappeared. She wasn't going to laugh in his face and walk away. Happiness flooded every fiber of his being as he carefully lifted her hand and placed the ring on her ring finger. The swell of possessiveness that coursed through him could not be helped as he saw the now physical reminder that she was now his. He of course knew that he was hers a long time ago. Which brought his mind back to the other very real and earth shattering news that she had told him. They were pregnant. He was going to be a father. They were now a family. While he never thought about the possibly of having kids, just accepting for face value the fact that he'd probably eventually have kids in the future, he couldn't ever imagine now having children with anyone other than the woman in front of him. She was absolutely perfect and he didn't know what he had done in his life to deserve her, but he was sure as hell going to do everything in his power to keep her safe and by his side for as long as she would let him.

He threw the blanket that was now only partly covering them completely off, rising to his feet and pulling her up with him. She went willingly, but as soon as she was on her feet his hands landed on her hips, squeezing them and lifted her up into the air, twirling her for a bit until he lowered her and pressed her against him, forcing her to wrap her legs around his waist as his hands moved to the backs of her thighs. Her hands flew to the back of his head, kneading it with her fingers, as her lips latched onto his neck, her tongue flicking out every now and then, leaving a trail of burning fire in their wake. He carried her to the bedroom but stumbled and nearly toppled over when her teeth made an appearance as she nipped at the sensitive skin behind his ear. Her throaty chuckle only spurring him into action to get her on the bed faster so that he could retaliate and make her vocalize all the sounds that he knew he could make her do.

He gently placed her on the bed, but he did not move on top of her like he usually did, didn't cover her body with his like she had expected him to. Rather he moved into a position that had him right in the line of sight of her belly, his fingers unbuttoning the lower buttons of her blouse and pushing it up. He looked up at her in wonder for a few seconds then bent his head to kiss her right above her belly button. And she was turned into a blubbering mess at the sight. She couldn't stop the tears that were now continuously falling down her cheeks at the vision. She blamed the hormones. She reached out to him, forcing him move up towards her face, and kissed him with everything that she had.

The whole night they spent in each other arms, carefully memorizing every inch of each other, paying attention to all skin revealed to the other. But she couldn't help notice the extra attention he paid her belly throughout the night. A belly that would soon be showing evidence of the life that they had made. Together.

**Im so excited to the new episode to come out! Please as always R&R. They really are priceless to me. They are the only things that keep me writing and they are all so beautiful and just amazing. Love to all! - Stace**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. **

Chapter 17

God they were frustrating. How could two men that were so completely different, in absolutely every possible way, only NOW decide to think alike. She changed her mind, this wasn't frustrating, this was bordering on maddening. The look in both their eyes told her there was no point in arguing, but how could she just stand there and take this from them? Okay, so it was nothing new to be frustrated with either of them separately, but combined, she was sure to end up in a mental institution. She cursed all the times she thought them arguing was a bad thing. That was heaven in comparison to the show of manly arrogance being displayed before her and Meera. Who, as Liz looked to her left, looked amused at the whole situation. Damn her, she needed backup. Clearly she wasn't about to get it from the only other female in the room.

"You are not going". Oh god. She didn't even bother trying to restrain the laugh that was building up and threatening to come out. For all intents and purposes Raymond Reddington was one of the most feared criminals in the world. And one of the smartest. Ha. Turns out even those kinds of men cower under the gaze of a pregnant woman. As had been proven on a number of occasions. From the time he flew in from Peru with her usually favorite desert, only to be roared at to leave her alone, as the smell caused all sorts of bad things to happen to her stomach. Only to later find her shoveling said desert down, without so much as a stop for breath.

Did he really think he could stop her? Hands down, she knew that she had turned crazy in these last couple of months. She tied it down to the hormones. And the fact that she could no longer see her toes without using a mirror. And partly to the fact that she felt as big as a house. Basically she felt she had a right to being a little crazy, she was growing a person for gods sake. Turning her attention to the matter at hand, the matter of these two buffoons in front of her going all alpha male to her great displeasure.

Ressler had been hinting for a couple of weeks now that maybe it was time for her to go on leave. Pointing out that she had more than deserved a break, even if she wasn't pregnant, and that there would still be criminals to catch and cases to solve once she was ready to come back to work. Now that he seemed to have found an ally in Red, his subtle hints turned into outright refusal of her attending to cases. She thought they were being ridiculous. She very well knew that she couldn't chase up leads, or go investigating on a crime scene, and she definitely wasn't up for chasing down any criminals. But not letting her go any where near the PO2 was just extreme. Honestly it was one of the safest buildings in the whole of New York, she was nowhere close to her due date so there was no chance of her having the baby there and then and there was nobody in that whole office that she didn't trust. So why was it such a big deal for her to sit at her desk and work on cases? Try to do the research and tracking side of things?

She turned to Meera again, hoping for a bit of support from the female. Surely she understood the need to work? Liz had never been at a point in her life that she had not wanted to work. While growing up she had always tried to be the best in every class, when she started work she had tried to be the one that put he most effort into the work, always the first in and the last out of the office. She knew that she would lose her mind completely if she had to endure sitting at home. She could just picture herself in granny pajamas, in front of a fireplace, doing something entirely boring like knitting. She groaned allowed at that mental imagine.

"Gentlemen that's enough, Liz your coming with me to the PO2". At that the two men instantly started to protest, however were quickly silenced but the gaze that landed on them from the now standing Agent Malik. Liz loved her no bullshit friend right now. She turned back to Liz, helped her stand and without another word moved out of the room and presumably went to her car. Liz hobbled slowly after her, throwing a self-satisfied look towards the two men that now stood baffled and defeated. Ressler was quick to grab her elbow to help her down the single flight of stairs, assisting her all the way to the car matching his long strides to her short ones and almost lifting her into the now running car. Meera merely rolled her eyes when she saw him walk to the other side of the car and get in the back seat with Liz, Red having already placed himself in the passenger's seat at the front.

The drive seemed shorter then expected, with all the tension that was running high. She tried and failed to get her emotions in check, knowing that it was unprofessional to lose her cool outside of her home, let alone anywhere near the PO2. When she stepped in however, she couldn't help noticing Cooper walk up to the small group with a hesitant smile and a look of determination. She knew it was coming, the talk to send her home and not come back until she was well rested and ready after the birth. Not willing to put up with any more territorial males around her, she shot him her most vicious glare and proceeded to walk past him in the direction of her office. Pleased when she felt none of them follow her.

Red watched as Ressler slowly moved a hand from his forehead to his chin. As if he was trying to both calm himself and stop himself from commenting on his better half basically putting their boss into his place. Red loved her fire on any given day, but pregnancy seemed to make it light up ten fold. He had seen it in action, and had to respect Donald a little bit more every occasion that he saw the man do everything in his power to appease the woman. He knew instantly the moment that he had seen Ressler after their little cabin adventure that not only had she said yes to his question, but had told him the happy news. Donald could not for the life of him hide the light that shined in his eyes every time he looked at her. Nor did Red miss the glances and touches towards her stomach on odd occasions. As if he was convincing himself that this was all real.

He wasn't happy with her being here, she needed to be home, and he would sleep better knowing she wasn't pushing herself too hard. From the corner of his eye he saw Malik move towards them, stopping in front of the three men. She looked each of them squarely in the eye, moving slowly from one to another, her disproval almost dripping from the gaze. "You will allow her to work in the office. She will eventually tire herself out and choose herself to stay at home, however the more you push her to stay at home, the more she will fight to resist you only to prove her point. That's not good for my future Godson." Again she fixed them with a glare that should have caused them to go up in flames. Her voice lowered a few volumes, however all three caught her very clear "Let her be". And with that she turned around and walked out of the PO2 as if nothing was the matter. Red couldn't help but appreciate the view.

**im so excited for the show! omg cannot wait for this weeks episode! thank you for the reviews. they mean the world to me. seriously. it just embarrassing how happy i get when i get notifications at work of a new review :) thank you! Love to all! - Stace **


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer - I do not own the Blacklist. No profit made. Just lack of sleep acquired. **

Chapter 18

As he held the small bundle of life in his arms he couldn't help but think all of this was a dream. He watched the adorable face scrunch up and the expression pulled on his heartstrings. He watched the tiny eyelids flutter but not quite open. He watched as the little fists moved unconsciously reaching for something unknown, fighting with the yellow blanket to get out. What he did to deserve this little miracle he will never know, but he would do it all again to stand here in this moment. Just watching. This precious treasure in his hands made his heart swell. It was almost unimaginable how much love he felt when he stared down at his child.

He barely managed to pull his eyes away, only allowing them to land on the face of the other love of his life. She lay in the hospital bed, looking thoroughly exhausted and drained. But her intent gaze was on the bundle currently being held by him. He stepped closer to her, watching as she slid over and made room for him on the bed, stretching her hands out to relive him of the baby while he climbed up next to her. Once settled with the baby in between them, him leaning on the bed pillows while she rested her head on his shoulder, he leaned down and kissed her temple. The strangled "Thank you" he choked out making her tear her eyes away from the baby and look up at him, only to see moisture building up in his eyes. She stretched up, using her dwindling strength to reach up to kiss him. Trying to convey everything that she couldn't quite put into words yet, here in this perfect little moment.

Time didn't seem to matter as she drifted in and out of sleep. While awake she watched Don play with the minute fingers of their newborn. Watching the baby yawn was one of the most precious things she had ever seen in her life. How could they have made something so small and innocent? The next time she had woken up, she realized that the baby was gone and she was curled into Don's side, her nose thoroughly pressed into the side of his throat. She couldn't help but think that everything that they had been through had been worth it. And this was by far the best hospital visit that had ever had.

As Ressler felt her stir he looked down only to see brown locks of hair. "How are you feeling?" He needed to know. The hours that she had spent in labor were quite possibly the worst in his life. He felt utterly helpless that he couldn't do anything to minimize her pain, feeling partly responsible for causing it. Each scream was like a stab to his heart, each hand squeeze made his thoughts threaten to be pushed over the edge. How she had coped through the hours of excruciating pain she went through he would never know, but will be eternally grateful. The nurse had come some time ago while Liz was sleeping to take the baby, allowing the new parents some much needed rest. "I've never been better".

"I love you". His whispered words only making her dig her face into his neck more, planting a kiss to the nearest skin available to her. They both fell asleep in the uncomfortable hospital bed, both too exhausted and content to care.

The opening of the door stirred Ressler out of his peaceful slumber, only to have his eyes land on a very pleased looking Raymond Reddington. They had come to a mutual understanding a long time ago, putting their differences aside for the common ground between them. The woman that was currently fast asleep, oblivious to their exchanged. While they were never going to be friends, they respected each other. And they now understood each other, at least in some aspects of their lives.

"Meera's not at all her usual happy self today. Can't imagine why". That brought a wide smile to Ressler's face. Since the announcement of the pregnancy – and he was damn sure Red had somehow known about it before he did, god only knows how, but the man didn't even flinch when he heard the news – there were bets being placed on whether it was going to be a boy or a girl. Don and Liz had decided to not find out the sex, wanting it to be a surprise and only needing the baby to be brought into this world healthy. But that didn't stop everyone else from guessing, and speculating and placing outrageous bets on the sex of the newborn. Red was firm in his opinion that is was going to be a bouncing baby girl, while agent Malik stood strong on her opinion of a baby boy. This caused a fair amount of ridiculous and pointless arguments between the two over the last nine months, with the Post Office as their audience to their usually amusing display of wit and sarcasm.

As their beautiful baby girl had come into this world, Ressler now thought about the money that she had lost. On top of the already lost pride, all the while having to deal with a gloating Red. He couldn't imagine a worse situation to be in. "She's stunning". Seeing the emotion in Red's eyes and hearing it in his voice threw Ressler in for a loop. The man was usually so hard to read, his emotions completely hidden behind the façade that he usually put up. But he wasn't allowed a chance to respond as he felt Liz stirring on his shoulder. He looked down to see her eyes take in the room, finding their daughter not in it, and eyes landing on Red. His wide smile was only answered with her mirroring one.

"I understand congratulations are in order," Liz said with a chuckle. Obviously thinking along the same lines as the men in the room of Red's obvious winning streak. "You all keep underestimating my knowledge in everything. I'd be insulted if it didn't come in handy so often". His air of pretentiousness and haughtiness funny in the current setting. Meera choosing the exact time to enter the room, followed by what seemed to be a dozen balloons that were trailing behind her. She shot a displeased look towards Red, then turned to the parents and to the amusement of all the remaining people in the room proceeded to congratulate herself on her first perfect Godchild. Ressler called for a nurse to bring in the baby, anxious to see her again.

"So what did you name her?" Meera's curious question made Liz and Don look at each other with a secret smile. "Ciana Gabrielle Ressler". Meera cooed at the baby in Red's arms, trailing a finger across her tiny arm and watched as she latched on to it with her cute chubby little fingers. She looked up at Red, seeing the fiercely protective look on his face as he stared down at the small body in his embrace. She turned to Ressler, seeing him watch Red hold her, with the same look of fierce protectiveness.

"Between the two of you, the poor girl is never going to be allowed to date is she?"

Both men became visibly horrified at the words and their meaning. Both already planning ways to lock her away from the rest of the world. Only to be pulled out of their daydreams by Liz's answering "Please, see's already got both of these wrapped around her little finger, she'll be the most spoilt child in America".

**This weeks episode didn't disappoint! except Liz not really looking after Ressler which frustrated me but anyway. I guess she_ is still_ married. As always, please review. i love them they mean the world to me. Love to all! - Stace**


	19. Chapter 19

_This is not an update. It's a reply for some of the feedback I've gotten to edit/proofread this chapter – which I have now done. If there is any more mistakes I'm just going to go with it. While your comments are loved and adored, if you're here to criticize for the sake of it please don't read this story or any story in general. I appreciate constructive criticism – there was a review at the start of the story somewhere telling me what was wrong with it – it was done respectfully and I appreciate it. But please refrain from using words like "atrocious", seriously this is meant to be fun. If you don't like it, don't read it. Don't read all the way up to the 19__th__ chapter and tell me my writing style is really bad. Your comment is now deleted. Again this is meant to be fun, have a little respect. _

_I'm sorry to all those that had to have an alert that this story is updated. And thank you again to all the follows/favorites/reviews. You guys have been amazing throughout this whole story. I apologize also for the above ramble. I just had to get it out. Love to all – Stace. _

**Disclaimer – I do not own the Blacklist.**

**So I got this idea a couple of hours ago – I couldn't decide which direction to take this story because it is winding down, but these two keep popping up in my brain and mmmmmm, this is the result. Let me know what you think.**

Chapter 19

Last week was a mistake. A big whopper of a mistake. And that was the understatement of her life. How she let herself get that carried away was beyond her. But in that single moment in time she didn't want to think. She didn't want to 'allow' herself to do anything. She just went with it. Let herself be taken over by the wind that picked her up and wouldn't let go. As if she was a gentle breeze on a spring morning, as opposed to the hurricane that headed her way. She should have seen it coming, but she didn't. Too caught up in work, cases, and her life in general that she missed it. And looking back now, she can't for the life of her understand how she did miss the obvious. Because that's just not something that she did. She didn't miss things. She could find out a person's secrets just by looking at their face, their facial expressions, the slight twitches and flinches. She was almost as good as Red when it came to reading people. But no, clearly not anymore.

Standing in her navy floor length gown, she tried to concentrate on the mission that as underway around her. She took in the positions of the other agents, establishing that everything was going according to plan so far. She watched a handsomely dressed Agent Ressler twirling a laughing Agent Keen on the dance floor. This was their first mission out since her goddaughter was born, and she couldn't help but smile when she looked at the still new parents, enjoying a rare night out, even if it was for a mission, and even though they were undercover. She watched as Ressler's hand stroked Keen's back with his thumb, the rest of his hand firmly planted on her back and guiding her through the dance, his other hand gently clasping one of her hands to his chest. Her other free hand softly caressing the side of his face as she tilted her head back to laugh at whatever most likely ridiculous thing he was saying. They looked so at ease with each other. As if nothing in the world could come in between them. They both knew their deepest and darkest secrets, the troubles and fears that kept them up at night. But they also knew exactly what made the other laugh, or exactly how to comfort the other in a time of need. She was happy for them, knowing the road they took to reach this point wasn't easy. But they survived everything that life threw at them, and watching the couple now she knew they were all the stronger for it.

Little Ciana was now six months old, and had all the men in her life wrapped tightly around her pinky finger. None of them would spare a thought before doing anything that was required to keep her safe. Meera knew that as soon as the little thing could talk they would all be falling over themselves getting her anything that she asked for. And while Liz tried to keep the spoiling to a minimum, not even she could stop Red. His last present for her 'half birthday' as he called it, of an actually pony was on the small scale compared to the other gifts he had gotten her.

Standing at the high table, she noticed a man casually walking up to her. Tall, handsome, looked the picture perfect type to be someone along the lines of a doctor. His offer to dance was met with a smile and shake of her head as she declined. Everything about him seemed wrong. His walk wasn't as confident, his clothes not as impeccable. She cursed her mind for even starting to compare. She just couldn't get it out of her head since last week. And damn her brain and her thoughts. They clearly weren't cooperating with her. She picked up a glass of champagne from a tray from a passing waiter. She would never usually drink on the job, but she desperately needed something to calm the nerves that were bubbling through her. Nerves that had nothing to do with the operation that was about to start any minute.

God it was hard to keep his hands off her. Her red dress tonight was utterly amazing. The slit up to mid thigh was doing things to him that he couldn't, and wouldn't ever, stop. Since his little angel was brought into this world they understandably didn't have enough alone time. Ciana taking up their full attention. Tonight was one of the rare occasions that it was just them. Well not really just them as they had a mission to complete, but to him, all that mattered in the world was Liz. He couldn't help but let his thumb stray just below the point of appropriate as her twirled her around, then let his hand stray to her hip pulling her closer to him and digging his fingertips into her hips. "Did I tell you how delectable you look tonight?" the mirth playing in her eyes contrasting to the coy response of "Maybe a few times Agent Ressler, but its highly inappropriate on the job". He didn't stop the growl that built up, knowing that she would feel it through the closeness of their bodies. "That dress would look good on our bedroom floor. How's that for appropriate?" At that she threw her head back and outright laughed at his antics, using her thumb to stroke the side of his neck as her palm rested on the top of one of his shoulders.

For the millionth time in the last year he couldn't help but think how lucky was to be holding her, knowing that she was his. As she came down from her laughter he leaned down to rest his forehead on hers, allowing their breath to mingle, never quite reaching the lip lock that they both wanted but couldn't allow themselves while surrounded by their colleagues. "I love you".

The explosion behind them caused both of them to spring apart. Ressler turned, all the while pushing her behind his back, trying to protect her as he pulled his gun out and faced the faceless attackers.

The mission couldn't have taken more than ten minutes, but it seemed like an eternity. They walked into the PO2, both tired and weary. Thankfully all agents were accounted for, and save for a couple of scratches and bruises, no serious harm was done. Ressler was under orders to update Cooper on the events of the operation that same night, and Liz couldn't bear to be away from him for even a short period of time. She needed confirmation that he was okay. That nothing had happened in the chaos that had ensued at the function. Her automatic reaction when all was said and done was to look him over for any injuries. Once convinced that he was okay, she searched out the other agents, in particular Meera. The answering nod from her friend calmed her, knowing that her family was safe.

Her need to go home grew with every moment that passed. To hold her daughter in her arms. Watch her eye lids flutter, revealing the exact beautiful shade of color as her father. Or watch her fall asleep, at peace with the world as she knew it. Liz wasn't used to being away from her for so long, and just knowing that she was so close caused her heart to ache. As if responding to her call, Ressler stepped out of Cooper's office and quickly led them to his car.

He watched as she slept. Her little fist moving as if trying to reach for something just out of her grasp in her dreams. He stood over her wondering how something could be so pure and innocent. Utterly at the mercy of others to look after her. Since the very first time he had laid eyes on her he knew he would protect her with his life. The added bonus of having a person that he could spoil, with no questions asked and no demands as to the motives of his actions, well that was just the cherry on top. And spoil her he did. Liz was sure to have another one of her beloved screaming tirades when she found out about the set of stables he had bought for the precious Ciana to accompany the pony.

His thoughts drifted to the operation underway at this very minute. They were dealing with drug traffickers, nothing Blacklist worthy, but still dangerous and unpredictable in their own right. While he was worried about his Lizzie, he knew she was well protected. He had watched Ressler fight with her and for her regarding her protection and Red knew he would protect her with his life. Lizzie was his main concern as always, but another woman at the function had his attention. He thought over the passing months and how rather than getting sick of her and dismissing her for another suit, she held his attention. Never did he want to step away from her presence, or finish a conversation with her. She matched his wit and intelligence, which was a rarity in itself. The fact that she was CIA was long ago dismissed by him as in irrelevant fact. He was never one to disillusion himself on the things that he wanted in life. He usually took what he wanted, until he no longer felt the need for it. When she first grabbed his attention he though it would be a phase, that it would pass. It didn't. Every time she walked into a room he wanted to gravitate towards her. He of course didn't allow himself to show anything, always keeping to his default façade of nonchalance, but he knew she was different.

Last week proved that. A particularly foul Blacklister had made himself known, and once cornered, had used her as a human shield; Red had almost lost his calm front. The well-placed sniper had the man falling to his knees before he was given the chance to pull the trigger of the gun in his hands pointing to her temple. He quickly moved forward, scooping her into his arms. And while he knew she would never lean on anyone on a normal day, she crumbled in his embrace, letting go of the calm exterior she had put on all through the ordeal. As if the pretense of calm and collected took too much energy to keep up. He couldn't help but want to replace the memories of the man's rough hands on her to his caressing ones. And he did.

When he woke up the next morning she was gone. Only the lingering smell of her on his sheets. He watched the following week play out, her acting as if nothing happened, him pretending to not notice that they no longer shared the usual banter and battle of wits that went on between them. He had known that there was something between them for a while now. Honestly, with the life he lead, he didn't want to get himself tangled in anything he couldn't finish. But clearly they had both started something and it was too late to stop now.

He looked down again at the treasure in her cot, letting the peace of watching her sleep wash over him. Hoping her parents would come home soon and report that everything went according to plan. That no one was hurt.

**MMMM. not sure about this one. let me know what you think. someone asked for a flashback of the couple telling the PO2 that they were pregnant - i will do one in the next story (which will just be a collection of drabbles). Let me know if you have any requests - any genre (although i love fluff) any rating. Your reviews are just breathtaking. every time my phone rings from an alert of a review I'm crazy happy :) your words are amazing :) One last chapter to go :))) as always R&R please :) Love to all! -Stace**


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